@toughclementine, I know exactly how you feel. I have only been struggling with major depression for about 4 months though. I also dont want to be stuck on meds for the rest of my life. I am not a doctor so I cant recommend tou do as I am, but I have read that there are some alternatives you might be able to try that may help you out. I have been reading some books that I believe have helped me out. I have been reading one lately, and if you have read where I told about this book elsewhere on here I apologize, called Deadly Emotions by Don Colbert M.D.. I have found good info from this book , as far as, his experience with patients in his practice. He tells of natural things he has used and other types of things like meditating and changing thoughts, kind of like they do with cbt therapy. Also something that has helped, that my therapist taught me, was her telling me when im feeling triggered by something was to use my 5 senses and see what is going on in my immediate surroundings. Like in her office she asked me what was going on at the time. I said I hear water trickling, she had a little waterfall thing in there. Then she asked what else , she had a lot of pictures all around and I saw one that had a lab on it and I told hrr it looked like my dog. We talked about that for a few minutes and I forgot what I was feeling bad about. She let me smell a lavender scented candle and said maybe I could have some kind of a scent handy when I had a negative thought to try and change what I was thinking about. I hope this helped you out some. Hang in there and keep thinking good thoughts. We will both get through this. Dont ever give up.
