Winning battles but not the war!

Hello everyone!

My name is Charlie and I am a 21 years old student. Here's just a little background on why I think I am depressed. As an 11 years old kid I moved to Canada from the Philippines, when I arrived here, I didn't speak english and I had no friends and spent most of my time on the computer. Since moving to Canada, it did not help with that fact that I grew up here with a single mother who worked 3 jobs and never had time for me.

Basically, I grew up with no family support or any friends. There were so many things I wanted to pursue when I was a kid. For example, I wanted to play soccer for my city but my mother told me that she won't be able to drive me due to her work. I appreciate that she was working so hard for me but I just wish that she would have spent a little more time with me.

To tell you the truth, I have never felt what it's like to have someone love me and care for me. I know my mother does but she never showed it and has never encouraged me to pursue anything.

I have been walking alone for so long now and I honestly don't know how I can keep things together. My depression got so bad that my GPA in school was below 1.00 last semester but I will bounce back this coming september because I know I am better than that.

But despite all these negative things that depression has brought me. I have been walking alone for so long that I am not afraid to be by myself. I pretty much do everything by myself now. Go to the movies alone, hike alone, go to restaurants alone. But sometimes I want a friend, I want a family, I want someone to be able to talk with.

I pretty much talk to myself all the time now, I would tell myself "It will be alright! Just keep going and I promise you, that one day it will get better!" I would also try to boost up my confidence by saying "Hey man! What the f**k are you doing? You going to let some stupid depression beat you? Get your s**t together, you're better than that!"

I took a break for the summer and in June, I went to travel alone around south america (Peru, Bolivia and Ecuador) for one month by myself. That literally was the best thing that has ever happened to me. It felt right and didn't once feel sad or depressed! Meeting new people, learning about new culture, eating new foods and learning how to salsa!

However ever since I came back here, I feel like a new war with depression is starting and I need help on how to counter act this. I refuse to be beaten by some stupid depression.

By the way, if you guys want to see some of my photos from my travels, I would be happy to share them with you! :D

Thank you!