New To The Site

Hello I'm new to the site. I'm 30 years old and I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder Anxiety and Depression. I knew something was wrong with me since I was 13 but no one would really pay attention to me. I'm quite and shy but live in a world full of extroverts. I always felt like I didn't belong anywhere felt out of place out of step with the world. People always called me sensitive I wasn't I just felt things differently from people. Someone can say something to me and I go 0 to 1000 quick and stay there. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I couldn't control it.

My emotions are so strong it scares me and once I get there I don't know how to deal with it or people. Its all or nothing with me I hate anything in between. I ran so so many people away from me. I don't want to be this way but I begged for help over and over and over. I've been committed more than once, I cut myself, drink and take pills. The demons in my head wont turn off and I'm so tired of the noise. What really irritates me is people think this is an attention seeking disorder. Yeah like I want all this negative attention and want people to label me as crazy and disfunctional. Normal people irritate me because they think this is something I can snap out of like they can give me some self righteous speech and I'm suppose to be instantly cured. I know they mean well but it doesn't help.

I just want help and someone who actually gets it because trying to explain my disorder to someone is like talking to the wall. They don't understand or want to understand. Its lonely being this way and I hate feeling this way all the time. I want someone to understand