Depression - The Silent Killer

Through many years of depression, I'm starting to feel like I can count on less fingers what I'm truly living for. It's a worrying and frightening situation to be in. Almost as if I'm driving, but no matter where I go, all roads lead to the same place. I can see that dead end coming up in the distance, and yet my vehicle is constantly speeding towards that dead end, and no matter how hard I hit the breaks, I'm simply delaying the inevitable. I don't want to feel this. I know life is something we have to make fulfilling for ourselves, but it is simply becoming increasingly difficult as time goes on. I can't tell those around me what I feel, they don't know, they don't care, or at least they let on that they care, but can only offer me a hand on my shoulder from a safe distance where I can't possibly get attached to their sympathy. I don't ask for sympathy, or understanding, or anything. The world doesn't owe me anything, and I get that. The world moves on, and even though I am stuck in this horrible, dark pit of depression, the world doesn't stop for me. And I understand that, but it scares me. I'm at the stage in life where now I feel like my life is about to change, for either the better, or the worse, I simply cannot see that right now. I can only do my best to shift it how I want it.

I just wish those around me knew there was something wrong. I can't deal suffering in silence no more, or being told "No you're not depressed", or "Maybe look on the bright side of things". Of all things to say to someone suffering so painfully from this horrible illness. An illness that prevents you from getting the help you so desperately need out of fear of feeling like you're overreacting because your own self worth is that low you don't feel like your problems matter anymore, that awful numbing of your emotions and self-esteem to the point where nothing hurts, but yet you can't feel anything good.

Depression is a silent killer, and I do not want to be another number in its toll