Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?

It's been a rough three years and it's not improving. I'm highly functioning but half the time I only show up to work just so I don't draw attention to myself. I don't look forward to anything and all my hobbies just seem like a chore. It's really hard to not hate myself

Hi im 54 years old as I've said before I've been here @7 cups before and now I'm back I'm so lost so low and so want this pain to end every minute of every day I ask what am I doing here I have physical and mental problems along with childhood abuse I've been better but now I'm at my lowest I even called the suicide prevention # and they are so busy they really couldn't help how bad is that I so envy the dead I want this over so much its all I think about I try to find something to believe in but there's nothing

I feel like somebody stomped on me, picked me up, then threw me across the whol earth. I feel unloved, unwanted. I feel alone.

I feel like an utter mess of emotions that have built up over the year and trying to deal with them all myself but not knowing where to start. I feel like I don't know me anymore and how to control my messy head or just what to do at all anymore.

I just want to die. If it weren't for my son I'd happily be dead.

I feel like the worst person in the world. I'm afraid I'm going to screw up rasing my son. He's my entire world, the light of my life, and I'm so deathly afraid I'm going to ruin him. I make his father, my boyfriend want to get back on his anxiety meds. I make everybody miserable, when all I'm ever trying to do is make them happy. All I want is my loved ones to be happy, but I feel like the best course of action to achieve that would be to go away.

I felt so lost and alone today. Always wanted to be a good Friend to people around me. But I just realised from that I'm not that all important at all after an argument last night with someone.

today, i've decided to call the counseling service that my doctor suggested, along with make my follow up appointment with my doctor. it's about time I actually go through with it. I hate the process of having to explain everything that's been going on but in order to take another step forward, it has to be done, right? i'm so nervous about it, nervous about what I'll have to say on the phone and what they'll ask, why it's taken me so long to actually. I'm scared mostly. No other word for it than scared. But it needs to be done.

I live with my mom and my two brothers, they are really but really messy, and for the last months I've been doing my best to keep the house relatively clean and organized, I feel like this is point number one for feeling good. But the last two weeks I was really depressed and did nothing for the house or myself. Today I feel almost like waking from a two week nap, and the house is horrible, everything is dirty, the kitchen looks like a tornado stroke it and I know it will be my job to clean, cause nobody else care.

I feel super tired :(