Depression Community - How do you actually feel today?
I usually post in the anxiety threads because that's generally my biggest problem, but I'm feeling the depression more today, so I thought I'd post here right now.
For the past couple of months, I've been dealing with relationship anxiety (wondering if my boyfriend loves me, if he's losing interest, if he's going to leave me, etc). It was horrible and I felt needy and clingy and needed constant reassurance. This has been improving over the past couple of weeks, but now I'm starting to feel depressed. I have a mixture of anxiety/depression and the anxiety is usually the dominant emotion, but not for the past few days. The anxiety is getting better and I haven't been worrying about my relationship as much, so I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way. I've been crying for no reason and sleeping for about 12 hours everyday. I have no motivation for anything and my self-esteem is almost nonexistent. I'm not sure what to do.
Well I feel like my mental health has gone backwards. I am struggling to make choices, avoiding doing things that could cause stress or conflict, and lots of suicidal thoughts. I feel like I just want to hide away, but the world won't let me.
@RightSaidFred don't hide away and if you do it ok. Sometimes you need to shut the world out just so you can get back on track.
I played a game, that was nice, though I feel like crying again??? I don't know
depressed wishing i wasnt alive like crap anxious panicky exhausted in every way worthless sad self harm urges i feel like nothing i do is goood enough or right thats how im truly feeling today
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but hey im fine
@heartofgold2001 every day will not be like this. It may not be tomorrow but it does get better. Treasure the good days and survive the bad.
@aquaScarf6694 every day for the last 3 weeks has been like this
@heartofgold2001 I'm sorry it has lasted this long. Sometimes it feels like it will never end. Do what you have to to make it through. It will get better. I've been battling for years. I wish I could give you a magic formula. But there is none. You can get through it. I now it doesn't feel like it right now. But you can.
I have so much self loathing. I don't think I can ever get any better.
I still can feel the fear of meeting that difficult person. Dealing with difficult emotion, shes making everything difficult ! Oh thankGod I will not meeting her again after graduation party. Not again.
@pinkTea don't worry, I've been in that situation before.
I feel kind of sucky. I managed to almost finish a test paper for revision for my exam next week, that was a pretty good feeling but otherwise didn't have much energy for anything more difficult. It's an average-to-good day for me
Had a bit of a lull in my mood yesterday and I've been quite emotionless but doing okay for someone coming off my meds.
Depressed. Mad at myself for being depressed. Wondering why I'm crying. And a vague fear that I'm unlovable and that I've fucked up my life beyond repair. Upset that my friends are either oblivious or selfish. And afraid of people finding out I feel this way. They always ask why and I honestly do not know. It's not something I can put in words. And also stupid for doing this.
I'm working on day 9 of a migraine. I've been to two different doctors 4 times in the past week, a counselor, and had a brain MRI done (came back normal). Three more appointments scheduled for the next two weeks. The older I get, the worse the migraines get, and they exacerbate my already debilitating depression and anxiety. I'm on eleven different medications, and I'm not functioning. I'm in pain and crying all the time, and I feel like I'm hitting rock bottom. Getting out of bed is the worst, followed by going to bed at night. I'm having night terrors, crazy mood swings, spells of sobbing uncontrollably- and so help me, if one more person tells me to suck it up, lighten up, get over it, take a Midol, or to just pop some ibuprofen, it might just be enough to push me over the edge of insanity. While filling out my FMLA paperwork today, my doctor- who wrote down that I have flare ups and will need to miss work often- told me to find a way to suck it up. It felt like a gut check. What I wouldn't give to be a "normal" and know what it feels like to not have everything feel ten times harder than it needs to. I have told her and my counselors that I'm not functioning. I don't know how else to make it clearer. I can't focus, my anxiety is through the roof, and I'm actually wishing I'd get fired just to have a break- which won't be long if they realize how crappy my work has been lately. Coders are a dime a dozen. Some days I just don't want to exist. :'(
