Changes

My last episode (November-May) was the longest and darkest depressive low I've ever had. Messed up my productivity and my physical health. I got back on track with therapy and medication. Medication saved my life. I had a good spell of about 2 and half months. I started a relationship during May. My therapist told me to be upfront and it turned out okay. He really surprised me. But now I'm at another low cycle. It started oozing in around mid August and it's getting worse with the autumnal changes. I'm desperate for some relief. I'm tired of crying and fighting to eat, shower, leave the apartment. I can't seem to handle any form of stress. I overthink where I am in my life, lots of negative obsessive thoughts about my relationship and myself. I begin to question whether it was a good idea to get together. But it feels too late to turn back because despite all the negativity, I can feel that I love him. So I'm trying again. For him, my family, my friends, because I can't even try for myself this time. I'm just so tired. So I've been been the doctor and I've started my meds again and I'm impatiently waiting for some level of peace. Just a slice.