when you know you are worthless
I'm sorry Idk how this works or where I am supposed to post this kind of stuff but I am at rock bottom and I dont think I am getting back up... I realized how much of a failure I am and I have always felt this way but with how my life has been going it just makes it more clear.. I ruined my marriage and we were together for 10 years, I have always had depression and a laundry list of other issues but I never knew I had them because growing up if I ever wanted to fit in with anyone I had to hide all my feelings and just bury and ignore them and be whoever they wanted me to be so I could be accepted. and all of those issues and masks i would wear caught up and caused my wife to leave me. By the time I knew what was going on with me it was to late, the damage was already done. But now my wife has moved on and is seeing someone else and we are not even divorced yet, and when we talk all I hear about is how much better he is and how he does all the things I never did and that kills me and torments me to the point where I have to drink or cause self harm to get all the thoughts to stop but even then I still feel the same. No matter what when I am at work or when I talk to her or even sleep I am constantly reminded of my failures and everything that Ihave done wrong and I have to sit and watch as she is with someone else who is better then me in everyway.. How can I be so stupid,useless and pathetic when you are given a chance and your own mental problems get in the way and screw it all up and now I am just left to sit and suffer. This is really long and Im sorry but I dont have anyone to talk to or vent to, I dont have any friends or family, I am completely alone. I tried on here but never heard back from anyone so whats that tell you about me?
@justaplumber32 Hi. Sorry to hear how you are feeling about yourself. It makes sense that you would be hurt by having your ex compare you with her new partner. It sounds like you’re being really hard on yourself and blaming yourself for it not working out. A relationship failing doesn’t make you a loser. It’s really just a label that isn’t valuable. It’s common for people to get down on themselves and use this label but it really just feeds our depression. You might have made some mistakes. You might have not known how to deal effectively with certain emotions and it might have strained your relationships. But not all of us get good examples to learn some of these things from. It’s a hard road picking ourselves back up after a relationship falls apart. It’s good you’re here on 7 Cups. It can be a great resource and there are some awesome listeners here. It can be really tough to find listeners here sometimes.
