overcoming guilt

when I was a child, I had many violent meltdowns and tantrums because of undiagnosed mental health conditions. I recently started trying to figure out why I SH and all my buried feelings came up about this. I feel extremely guilty for ruining my childhood and putting my parents through that. I’ve heard my mom talk about how I changed the family dynamic and now everyone constantly has to walk on eggshells around me. I rarely have meltdowns anymore but I feel like everyone resents me for it and I ruined all fun experiences, like vacations and holidays because of it. It’s been really weighing on me because I just feel so guilty and sad. I disrupted our entire family almost every night with my kicking and screaming and tears and that’s not something I can feel fine about. 

the whole point of this is that I desperately need help overcoming this. I can’t talk to my parents about this because I feel to bad and I’d start sobbing.