im so overwhelmed

A lot has happened in my life lately and i’m very overwhelmed. My boyfriend broke up with me and said he didn’t love me and it was like my whole world fell apart. I don’t really have any other close friends who can support me so i’m all alone. I loved him more than anyone i’ve ever loved. I had a really bad depressive episode last year and I think he saved my life and now he doesn’t love me anymore. He said we could stay friends but I feel like he’s avoiding me and I just miss him so much. I love him more than anything and he left me all alone.

Schools stressing me out so much. I don’t have many friends and the ones I do, don’t talk to me much. I eat alone at lunch every day and I think everyone just dislikes me. My math grade is a 82 and my parents get mad at me if my grades aren’t above 85. I’m finally getting a 504 (basically disability accommodations like extended testing time) to help me with my anxiety disorder but my dad is upset about it. He thinks I don’t need it and i’m worried he’s right and i’m just faking this. Im in a musical at school but I hate the director and the whole time im just jealous and upset. I feel like such a bad person and a failure.

At home I constantly feel bad for not exercising. my parents require me to do sports but I finally convinced them to stop and now I do the musical. I have anorexia but it’s gotten a lot better. I feel really worried though now that i’m not excersizing and i’m eating so much. Some food makes me have a really stuffy nose and that freaks me out too because what if the food is like making me sick and i’m being terrible and eating poorly. I hate exercise though. It makes me feel so gross and big. It makes my gender dysphoria terrible too. My parents make me go to bed at 9 on school nights and put my phone downstairs. I feel so anxious at night when I can’t fall asleep because I don’t want to do bad in school. I feel so much better when my phone is there.

School starts again tommorow after break and i’m freaking out. i’m so anxious. I have tests I need to make up and math I need to learn and it’s all so much. I just don’t see a point in everything. I just feel so lost and hopeless. My whole life is falling apart and i’m just so exhausted. I wish I could just be happy. Just for reference, I am 16 and live in the united states.