feeling depressed.. i guess?

so, it has come to my attention, upon doing researches that i may have the birthday blues. so i’m just here to vent, in the hopes of feeling better. 

at the moment i’m feeling really sad, not even sad.. depressed. i even woke up with a migraine, omg i could just cry right now. (going to make tea after this post to hopefully help cheer me up)

i notice that every year, as it gets closer to my birthday, the hopes and plans i had slowly fade and got replaced with depression and disappointment. 

for so many reasons i’m feeling depressed. i realized that i’m getting older, almost mid 20s and my peers are doing waay better than i am. i have no great accomplishments to say i did this and i’m proud, or to make my parents feel proud. i’m just at home most days, back and forth to my part time jobs, and basking in sadness, about how my life went downhill unexpectedly, and so did all the dreams i had for my future self.

and maybe it also have something to do with the fact that from childhood i hardly get to celebrate my birthday as how many kids would want, because of my parents’ financial situation. so now, as it gets closer to my birthday, subconsciously i’m being reminded of all the birthdays i never get to celebrate and get gifts, or happy birthday wishes from my friends because they either forget or don’t know. 

it’s not even just that alone, there are so many other reasons, however, those i pointed out are the main reasons as to why i’m feeling depressed. 

i want to achieve things and be happy about them. i need at least one win in my life to not feel like a *** person, like i’m wasting my time.

anyways, i don’t want pity 💖 just wanted to vent. and if you or anyone else is experiencing the birthday blues, huggies for all 🫂

btw, my birthday is tomorrow.