What am i doing
Hello my name is Jenna and I'm somewhat new to 7 cups been off and on (my spouse had me download it when we were having troubles but I never got into it) me and my spouse have been together for 12 years 3 kids. Long story short I fell into a depression when I had my last 3rd child whom is 11 now (special needs) it got to the point that I needed my husband by my side and he was always out of town for work and I ended up telling him I didn't love him anymore. With me telling him that he cheated. I found out then he spilled the beans, after that I have not really been the same, I wanted revenge and cheated on him then left him with my children. We got back together months after. He's that type of person that will still have that grudge and not get over something from the past. As for me since the day he cheated I have found a new obsession with talking to men online and having deep and sometimes intimate conversations with them. A couple had gotten serious and he found out about them and we fought and things were bad then we started a book called the love dare. We just finished it. Things got better for me but for him I still feel like he holds that grudge and he's been ugly towards me here and there which make me want to revert back to what I was doing just to feel love of some sort. I want to stop doing that and focus on my husband but he's making it so hard...
@YellowStrawberry0128
This is the destruction that people can face when they are not addressing things ... many marriages can fall apart the same way. my spouse has had depression for the last few years is withdrawn and not very nice basically everything is my fault he is a victim etc. i have been there in a seemingly bottomless pit of depression but we do not see what that does .... i did not until the situation was reversed.
it does not give anyone a pass to stray ... even if they do/ did that is not a get even pass either.... you both may benefit from couples counseling.... I really feel communication breaks down and beginning talking again is harder then many think.
Have you told him what you need ... to feel listened to / compliments/ basic interest in making you feel attractive/ sexy and wanted....do you get some sad half compliment or them saying great things like mine did " i feel the same about you i always have" to him i think he thought that would be amazing what it said to me......" i have never given a hoot about your feelings "
i have been there too ...... talking with the many people online........ many are in dead or on life support relationships and we want to flirt and laugh and feel wanted and interesting. Anyone would understand that. it is hard to let go of past cheating i have had that happen to me when i was deep in depression too. Asked him when i found out WHY he said he felt unwanted and unloved and discarded ....... i recently told him the same he asked "why i am saying that?"........... i reminded him that was his excuse and left that for him to digest.
I hope if that is what you want, to fix things. you speak up and you ask for what you want or NEED counseling may help referee a difficult conversation i know ours takes forever and we never resolve much because it goes off track.