Struggling bring inside my own mind
Really finding it hard to overlook things that were said & done between my wife & I during our separation, things she did & said are literally haunting me daily, we’re back together & trying to make a real go of it & she’s really supportive but I’m currently struggling with depression & anxiety, the things she did & said have destroyed me, I’m trying so hard to move on from it but I just feel so inadequate, paranoid, and just half the man I was, I love her dearly but just feel like the damage is irreversible & I find myself overthinking things constantly, I end up going quiet now cause when we talk it sounds like I’m attacking her but I’m not it just hurts, just can’t accept it, it’s literally suffocating me, I have nobody to talk to, no friends, just want us back & to feel like me again, some days I just wish the day away & some days I hope I don’t wake up, at least then I’d have some peace from my own mind, it’s just exhausting & not sure how much I’ve got left in the tank 😞
ceejay,
I think it's always worth saving unless you can't trust them anymore.
If you can truly believe that her words and actions were a result of a misunderstanding. Take your time and really walk in her shoes. You're back together, so she must have explained why she said and did those things. Did she have reason to say those things based on her understanding of where you were in the separation? It's humbling to really walk in the shoes of someone who loves you and realize the difficult things that they must endure to continue to love you. She might have had every reason to believe that you were one foot out the door to leaving her, and lashed out because of her own hurt as a result. You said she is really supportive now, if that is really true, and if it was both of you who made mistakes, enjoy her support and I hope you can let things go.
But the opposite might also be the case. She might have just plain betrayed you for no reason, and if that's the case, she might be just keeping you around for temporary stability in her life until she thinks of a better plan. In this case I want you to know this: You will have 10 times the energy that you think you will if you say goodby to an untrustable person. You will be very sad sometimes missing the good parts, but keep meeting people. There are trustable people out there who will make you feel the opposite of the way you feel today. How might your day and week be different if you had no worries about home?
Whether you stay or move one, please keep writing here, please keep meeting people and just saying hi. Be open to meeting different kinds of people than you are used to. We all need friends. We need friends even if we have a relationship. Be a trustable person, help people all you can, go out of your way to help in the community somehow, find a way, and friends will gather. You deserve good people. Trustable people.
