Stress & spiraling & advice

Hey everyone, I just needed a space to really put everything out there to just complete unbiased opinions. So lately I've been spiraling in my mood and I just got out of the 10-year relationship. I just moved into my new starting over apartment and I've been dealing with depression for basically all of my life. I also have been dealing with you. Know trauma from just relationships in general, personal relationships and family relationships. I just feel like everything I do is always not good enough for anyone. Anybody that I just get close to. I always feel like that I'm a burden or I'm just not good enough for that person or whoever it is. I know that I'm a really good ear to others and I can give out good advice, but I can never take my own advice. So you know I keep a lot of things in and when I hit a breaking point I just kind of get angry and I don't remember what I say and I'm just furious and I'm tired of being angry. I would like to just listen and be present to somebody and help them but at the same time not take out anything because like all the sudden become defensive. And something I've been battling with recently and I realized that I'm doing with somebody that I've gotten close with. They also have a lot of trauma and triggers just like my own and we're very close. But I recently took a step back and I took a step back to get professional help and I'll also joined this place because I need a place where I can just open up and let everything go. It's just been really hard with everything going on and bouncing a job and just getting my college degree and trying to find a new job and everything but the end of the day. I want to be a better woman not only for myself but for other people. And I feel like I can never express myself as well either without somebody getting upset with me because I have doubts and myself and low confidence because of all the things I've dealt with. So could I have some opinions about how to change my habits now? I go to the gym and I journal when I eat right and do those things and take time for myself. But I love so hard and I care so hard because I've always been abandoned and it just hurts when I don't feel good enough for the person that's near me anymore. And it's gotten so bad that the person I was building something with. I feel like I've hurt them more than I hurt myself but also hurting myself too and just everything feels so empty.