My dad made me dump my kittens off on the road. I feel horrible

A bit of background. I am a teen who doesn’t know how to drive because my dad wasn’t rlly there half of my teen life, he returned abt 2 years ago abt 3 now but he still doesn’t rlly show me how to drive. My mom can’t drive. So, we have kittens from my cat(i want to get a job to neuter her; rn isn’t a good time bc i need to finish my school) anyway, my mom wanted to take responsibility for them because she got angry of me making sure the cats were outside doing their business in the backyard saying it was cold and I told her to take care of them because she was nagging about them and she did but this ended up being, me feeding the cats because my mom was on the phone with her boyfriend. (parents are not together) and i would find cat poop and pee inside the house, especially in their room and my little sister sleeps with them so I was worried because we had just closed the case with CPS but my mom still didn’t do it. My last straw was when she let them out on the front porch and they almost got ran over a bunch of times and she was standing there on the phone, talking to an another guy. My dad offered to take them and I did it with him, i thought maybe he would drop them off at a animal shelter. But what he ended up doing was he made me drop them off beside the train track and i think we were seen. But i ended up realizing my father isn’t someone i should be looking up to, i tried to talk to him about an animal shelter but he said no. There were cars and I can’t help but think i ended up killing them by my actions. They didn’t know better yk, they are kitten. My dad hates cats and dogs. But my dad acted normal and because i look up to my dad, I acted like it was okay. I’m trying to erase it from my memory snd pretend nothing happen but now i know because i use to have other animals that my dad most likely did leave them to die, I wanted to believe he didn’t but.. yeah. I don’t wanna become like my dad and not have a feeling or remorse towards animals because I mean i love my dad and a lot of what i do comes from his actions but this i don’t wanna copy this behavior. But i also don’t want to be like my mom, she is very dramatic about animals. I don’t have the nicest perspective on my mom, I am trying to be better because i know my mom dealt with a lot but my mom she loves animals but doesn’t want to take care of them and their feces or pee and will let the house get dirty and smell if it meant the animals lived there. She ended up calling the cops on my dad for this but they just ignored her call. I am very tired of my family. I feel like i am in the middle of my parents fighting, trying to get my siblings to listen and parent them while finding them something to eat because my mom won’t feed them and my mom help my dad pay the bills (she only pays one bill, which is the one less expensive and blows money on dresses) . I am tired. I have a lot of classes i need done in order to graduate this year. I am not doing the best. I have a very supportive boyfriend but I needed to vent again because i just don’t feel okay. I just. idk.