I need help but I can't get it, shouldn't get it

I'm entirely alone, stuck in this house full of screams and pain and constant fear that I won't get anything right

Everyone thinks I'm fine; I listen to their problems, I help them, I care but when I need support noone notices, noone helps

I deserve this. I never did anything good enough to deserve a life of happiness or kindness

I didn't earn joy

And I never will.