I feel unloveable

@moonoquq

I'm so glad you didn't end up with someone like him. What he really said is that he hates himself. If someone has to try to try to step on somebody for them to feel good about themself, it's because they fear people finding out who they really are, and he knows there is nothing good inside of him, he's a hollow shell, so he has to try to knock down people with a good heart so that he can (temporarily) feel that he is above someone. Karma will catch up to him over time.  

How much did his looks influence whether you liked him?  You mentioned that some people think you are cute. I challenge you to journal, and list alot of other things you are than just cute. I bet you are a good hearted person. I bet since you like romance stories that you would be a faithful and committed partner once you find a good hearted guy. I bet you can list 5 things or more that you would bring to a relationship! Caring, loyal, committed, fun, adventurous, good listener, awesome friend, creative... I bet you have alot on that list and more Waiting To Be Discovered! And what a lucky guy when you are discovered! But maybe you are looking at hollow shell guys like him, and maybe you will start to notice different guys now, guys who might be full of good surprises like you are. Maybe get to know a little better a guy who has been nice to you that you just don't know that much about... Really, people are full of surprises, and getting to know a guy a little better who seems to have a good heart might be a great place to start. 

I'm gonna pray that you figure out the warning signs about that guy so you don't fall for another hollow shell like him, and also that you start valuing yourself as so much more than cute! That lousy guys is 'fakeable', you are loveable. Big difference. 

Hugs🦾

-RedWell

I resonate with your post SO much. I didn't have social media growing up, and I know that adds a whole extra complicated layer to this, but I totally can relate to the feeling you are having because I've had it too. God, when I was in 9th grade, I poured my heart out in a letter to this boy I liked and gave it to him, and though he wasn't mean, he didn't respond at all and EVERYONE knew about it. IT was mortifying. So, the deepest hugs to you. This pain isn't easy to feel and I'm sorry you're in the middle of it. But you're doing the right thing by coming here and talking about it. You could instead lash out and hurt him or someone else, which would be a totally normal response but one that would make you feel worse.

One of my go to quotes when trying to explain why some is acting a certain way is "Hurt people, hurt people".  People can be cruel when they don't know how to process their feelings, they hurt people to make themselves feel better. I'm sure this next part isn't going to be easy, but for your immediate peace of mind, I would stop social notifications, and lay off of everything for a few days. He's looking for a response, whether that's for you to retaliate, or see you hurt more, don't give him that. And then you need to forgive him, feel sorry for whatever he's going through - I know even harder. But once you've done that, never think of him again - also hard. Catch yourself when he pops into your brain and dismiss him like a gnat or a mosquito, replace him with a thought that makes you feel good, a moment that made you laugh, a scene from a book that you love, give yourself permission to feel joy.

I have no doubts that you are cute, and will continue to physically get cuter, but based on your post, I have no doubt that you are beautiful too. Hold on to that and know if you show kindness to yourself when someone is being mean, that you'll also show kindness to someone else when they need it too.

Big hugs! and not knowing your home life, don't be scared to ask a sibling, close friend, or parent for a hug. Hugs have proven to make us feel better. You don't have to tell them whats going on, but odds are they've been hurt similarly and can help, if only to get things off your mind. Remember to be kind to yourself, his actions do not reflect who you are, you will find that love story and you'll know then that that person, if deserving of you, would never act that way. 

@moonoquq

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. The pain of rejection, especially when accompanied by cruelty, can be overwhelming. It’s understandable that you're struggling with your sense of self-worth and feeling uncertain about future relationships. Your feelings of hurt and confusion are entirely valid, and it's important to acknowledge how deeply this has affected you.

When someone behaves in a hurtful or dismissive way, it often reflects more about their own insecurities and issues than about you. People who lash out or belittle others might be grappling with their own internal struggles, such as insecurity, a need for validation, or difficulties in handling their emotions. It’s a defense mechanism or a way of asserting control rather than a reflection of your worth or desirability.

Your self-worth is intrinsic and not dictated by someone else's actions or opinions. It’s easy to internalize hurtful comments and feel unlovable, but it's crucial to remember that these actions stem from the other person's issues, not a true reflection of who you are.

You’ve nurtured a desire for meaningful love and connection, and it’s natural to feel lost when those dreams seem out of reach. While it might feel like everyone else is finding what you seek, relationships come in their own time and often when we least expect them. 

During this period, focusing on self-compassion can be helpful. Engaging in activities that affirm your self-worth, practicing self-care, and seeking out supportive relationships can help you rebuild your confidence and sense of self-love. This time can be a chance to rediscover what brings you joy and fulfillment independently of romantic validation.

Remember, you are deserving of love and respect simply for being who you are. The right connections will come, and in the meantime, be gentle with yourself. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to take time to heal and find joy in your own journey.

@moonoquq

Loving yourself, especially after a difficult experience, can feel like a daunting task, but it's a crucial and deeply personal journey. Here’s how you might approach it:

Start with self-acceptance. It’s important to acknowledge and accept where you are right now, including the pain and hurt you’re feeling. It’s okay to have these feelings and to let them be part of your experience. You don’t have to push them away; instead, try to understand them as part of your current reality.

Be kind to yourself. Imagine you’re speaking to a friend who’s going through what you’re experiencing. You’d probably offer them understanding and compassion. Try to offer yourself the same kindness. If you catch yourself being overly critical, gently shift that narrative to one of support and understanding.

Engage in activities that bring joy. Reconnect with activities and hobbies that make you feel good. Whether it’s a favorite book, a creative project, or spending time in nature, these activities can remind you of what you enjoy and bring a sense of fulfillment.

Set small, achievable goals. Sometimes, setting small goals can help you feel a sense of accomplishment and build confidence. These don’t have to be big; even small, positive actions can make a difference in how you see yourself.

Surround yourself with supportive people. Being around those who uplift and support you can reinforce your sense of self-worth. Nurture relationships with people who make you feel valued and respected.

Reflect on your strengths and achievements. Take some time to think about what you’ve accomplished and what you’re proud of. Recognizing your own strengths can help shift your focus from self-doubt to self-appreciation.

Practice self-compassion. When you make mistakes or face challenges, try to respond with compassion rather than judgment. Understand that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s part of being human.

Forgive yourself. Let go of past regrets and be kind to yourself about any perceived shortcomings. Everyone has moments of difficulty, and what matters is how you move forward and treat yourself in the process.

Building self-love is a gradual process, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. Be patient with yourself and recognize that your worth isn’t dependent on external validation but is inherent in who you are.