I don't know what to do anymore

Every day I feel worse and worse. It makes me feel horrible when I apologize and don't even mean it...I don't know what to do anymore, I dread a friends physical touch like a hug or even just reaching out to people who understand but every chance I get I dont. Im too scared to even tell a soul what I'm feeling, its getting worse every single day and I'm scared. I don't even feel happy, I just smile and laugh...pretending to be...Heck I don't even know my favorite color anymore...