I don't know anymore

I think a very important thing that I have forgotten is the practice of cheering myself up. Making my mood better.

All this trauma in 6 years has made me let go off that skill when I didn't even know it is a skill. Or is it not? I just remember when I was younger, I could naturally move on to something that helped me feel better. I can't do it anymore. I feel like it's something that needs effort. Now everything is hard. Now I just sit in the *** and everything feels hopeless until I begin to feel recovered. It is not healthy. You wouldn't have a healthy life this way. I fear having an unhealthy life. This is what I have always feared about adults.