How are you?
Hey Reader,
I know it's been hard for you to come up here and have the courage to talk to us listeners about things you don't even agree about with yourself. We're so proud of you for being so strong! Talk to us if you need any kind of assistance. We're here to listen 🥺❤️
Hey all.
Kinda new here and playing around with the system to learn it. I'm the type to hang back and listen until I know the rules.
Let's get the easy stuff out of the way. I'm old, married to the best spouse, empty nester. Not retired but definitely see an end to the career path with 7 years. I am the last man standing in my immediate family (mother, father, brother all gone now)
I struggling on two fronts. Any opinion you want to share is appreciated.
At this age, I find myself unmotivated/uninterested in just about everything. Spent my career traveling so no interest in that. Can't seem to watch a movie or read a book without brain wandering to other thoughts. Really annoying that I find so little interest in things or people. Heard one time that this is common for older people because our tolerance to drama and BS gets shorter.
Second, more recent, is that our son ,24, is dealing with some mental health issues. He did not seem to have them when he lived at home and became an issue when he moved away to a big city. His sister talked him to seeing a psychiatrist and getting on medication which my wife and I COMPLETELY disagree with as a first course of action. We have ant to pursue other choices with him but his sister tells him we are stupid and don't know what we are talking about. This causes extreme stress in the family, and in opinion, it will probably never recover from this. Trying to tell my wife that we are not in control of our adult child and he has to make his own choices and mistakes. She just spends her days frustrated and depressed because she thinks he is making a life destroying choice. I try to tell her that many people, especially young people, are enduring stress and obstacles and that we can only try and support them. It is frustrating to watch your children struggle.
Thanks for letting me vent here.
Firstly, thank you for coming here and feeling free and safe with our community to vent.
Now, I understand that at this age, the tolerance to BS does become lesser, this making life seem as boring as it could be. You have seen a lot of life!!!!! Congratulations on that though.
Coming to your son, it must be a great struggle when you see your own child suffering but realising they're "old enough" to consider you stupid for worrying about them.
If its alright, you could try to get him to talk to you about how he feels instead of telling him what to do. If there's a more interactive approach to him talking about his feelings and you providing solutions. Again i am not a specialist on this, but I'm always here to listen. Thank you for being here!
Have an amazing day! <3
Roshislistening,
Thank you for your response.
As for your comment about our son being "old enough" to think we are stupid for worrying about him, I am sure that I was the same way. That is part of growing up. But not a part that a mother understands
For the second part of you response, I am the type of father that gives the freedom to the child when they feel that they have become an adult. That freedom includes the right to screw up. BUT I refuse to pay for their mistakes because they will learn nothing. I have had some very good discussions with my son about what he is going through and offered to talk and help if he needs. His sister is telling him to stop talking to us about his issues and to only talk to her and her boyfriend. This is the main cause of the stress for me, my wife , and my son.
Thanks for your support and listening and offering your suggestions.
Vent here any time that you want.
I am in a similar age bracket. It is easy to get into a rut of wondering what might come next that would actually be interesting. Have you ever imagined yourself volunteering anywhere? I'd just try a bunch of different stuff until something clicks. It will eventually.
As far as your son goes, him reaching out for help takes lots of courage. It is hard to ruin your life with a psychiatrist or therapist. It just gives you a different view on life that can make things more manageable. It is really hard to see them struggle though. I know with my three that I worry about them even more now that they are older. But they have to take their lumps too. @Apathetic33
BrstVase7265,
Thank you for sharing with me.
Regarding my issue with the age and lack of interest, yes I have thought about it but that is not a path that I am able to commit to because of my work. At one time, I thought about working with kids with cancer or disabilities but came to understand that this service comes with a high emotional cost that can impact your other relationships. Thinking about working with autistic kids when I do retire.
In regards to your second comment, I partially disagree. I do believe that having a 'good' therapist can be a gift in life. I saw one in adolescent life and it helped. My oldest son saw one and it was a truly God send for helping him. My middle son is considering talking to one and I encourage it. However, a psychiatrist, especially a pill pusher, can be the worst thing ever. There are times/situations that medication are 100% necessary but in this case, the meds caused new, worse issues. I think that it takes time and trials to find a doctor who really cares and just doesn't want to write prescriptions
I do appreciate your response and it encourages me to keep coming back.
I do understand your fear of pills. There are pill pushers out there who aren't listening. But there are also ones who can help.
I too feared pills but eventually for me it came down to risking dying because I wasn't taking them or trying to find someone to work with me. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder to the point that I was partially disabled. Medical journals do show that brain waves change during depressive episodes in quite dangerous ways.
Rewriting those waves can be a combination of therapy and medication. It took me three psychiatrists to find one that I thought was listening to me. I have a really strong reactions to any medication (including ones for regular physical stuff). My psychiatrist worked with me to bring down my dosage really, really low. Then when I stabilized he worked with me to start to wean myself off. I have been off of depression meds for two years now. The only thing that I take are two small (one half of the smallest pill of one kind and one quarter of the smallest kind of another) for anxiety so that I can sleep. I will keep working to get off of those as well.
It might be helpful to read a bunch of journal articles written by academics on the impact of different kinds of medication and the ways in which they can improve lives. The general journalism pieces can be really sensationalized. It might calm your soul a bit. @Apathetic33
