Hi, I'm new.

I am new to 7cups and just wanted to say hello and introduce myself. My name is Smoll and I've struggled with depression since I was in middle school, in my early 30s now. started therapy just this year, not sure if I'm figuring anything out but it's nice to talk about things. I feel like my depression comes from abandonment issues, not knowing myself very well, cause and symptom I guess, not enjoying things I used to, can't really get excited for things, can't start projects or even small activities like reading a book most of the time. I feel so bottled up but have no idea how to get it out when there's this mental barrier keeping me from doing things that I desperately want to do. I used to love drawing but that's something I can rarely get myself to do anymore, I think ive drawn maybe 3 or 4 things all year and they were scribbly sketchy type things. I even got myself a decent drawing tablet with a screen on it to try and guilt myself into drawing but, no go, its sitting on my desk collecting dust. I think it's a mix of depression, anxiety, and major executive dysfunction. I'm trying to be patient and kind with myself but it's getting real old and it's painfully frustrating, feeling like I'm wasting my life away unable to do the things I want to for some unknown, abstract reason. I'm not sure what more to say I feel like I'm rambling a bit but hi, I'm into anime and animation, video games, I hoard plushies, not too rediculously. love animals, have 2 cats and 2 reptiles. It's nice to be here with everyone.