Emotional blunting / numbness

@turtlePated

That’s fair. Everyone has different preferences and experience. There so many different medications that it is hard sometimes to find what works best for you. I hope you find that sweet spot soon. Also, I have heard the term emotional blunting before. In a way, I see what you mean by feeling comforted by feeling nothing. But, there’s also so many good emotions that one can experience as well. So, I do hope you can start to feel again soon too.💜

It's getting worse, so much worse.

I feel... fossilized.

And I use that word very deliberately. Because a fossil is a stone. But it was alive once.

Time and circumstances and processes beyond it's control transform it from living tissue into rock.

And once that happens, there is no changing it back to what it was before. There's no such thing as reverse fossilization.

That's how I feel. Like stone. But not just stone. Because stone was never alive while fossils were. Stone has no awareness (and fossils don't either really) but I feel dead, changed into unfeeling stone but still burdened with the memory of was it was like to be alive.

Stones and fossils, at least, have no awareness. No memory. They are incapable of mourning, of suffering.

I feel this, hardness, complete and total emptiness, and I can't help but wonder if they are indications that it's already too late. That I'm already too far gone and there is no way to fix it, to heal, to live.