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Alive

growing9796 February 16th, 2023

I hate being alive. I’m trying to self soothe by eating cheese but it’s not really helping. The responsibilities, the upcoming exams, the expectations I set for myself and then fail yet again to reach. I feel like I’m the worst future doctor out of all my classmates. I’ll be one of those doctors you go home and complain about because they’re incompetent.

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growing9796 OP February 16th, 2023

I hate everything. Nothing is helping, the therapy the pills. Sometimes I reach out to my friends for help but they say it feels like a broken record, me feeling bad and them trying to help, so I don’t want to reach out to them anymore, not that it was all that helpful anyway. Because nothing helps. I hate being alive, I’m so tired of everything.

4 replies
Babac February 16th, 2023

Watch the videos of sandip maheshwari. On youtube.

All negative thoughts will leave ur brain.

CDK1972 February 16th, 2023

@growing9796 Hi. I know how it is to get all those negative feelings going through your head. I’m sure you are being a little hard on yourself especially with everything you have on your plate studying to become a doctor. For me I walk everyday for about 30 minutes. Mainly briskly with a few jogs in there and that always makes me feel better. I’m also reading a few books. Feeling Good and The 10 Best Ever Anxiety Management Techniques. They seem to me to be a little informative than just a self help book. Id give them a shot. I’m here if you want to chat

CDK1972 February 17th, 2023

@growing9796 Hi. Was just checking in to see how you’re doing.

1 reply
growing9796 OP February 17th, 2023

@CDK1972 Hi thank you for your reply. I don’t know why I tend to feel better during the day but I’m feeling better for whatever reason right now, thanks for checking in.

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bestVase7265 February 18th, 2023

Glad to hear that you are feeling a little better. We have all been on that rollercoaster and it can get very tiring.

Friends, therapy, pills, all help at some points. What other kinds of physical things do you do when you are low? Do you get outside at all? Listen to music or do art? @growing9796

7 replies
growing9796 OP February 21st, 2023

@bestVase7265 Now it’s night and I feel so awful again, I just want the rollercoaster to let me off, I don’t want to play anymore. I don’t want to do much I just curl up in my bed and cry, scrolling on *** helps sometimes. It’s too dark to go outside. I like making art but I’ve never come up with anything nice when I feel bad bc I’m too preoccupied by death and suicide themes and don’t have the patience to sketch from reference.

6 replies
bestVase7265 February 21st, 2023

Oh, there were so many nights that I felt like this. So exhausted of the dang rollercoaster. Sending strength and peace.

Are you eating, drinking water, and sleeping okay? Those do help quite a bit. It is also okay to do some scrolling or some Netflix watching. When you start not feeling guilty about those things then you can begin to see that they help a bit with the healing. If art isn't good right now, try other things, maybe some that you don't usually do. One thing that helps me for a few minutes each day is an online jigsaw puzzle. At first the negative says there is no way that I am going to get the pieces to fit. But when I do, it helps me refocus on the fact that just doing it and not stopping means that i can get it done. That is also true for healing here.

You can do this. @growing9796

2 replies
growing9796 OP February 23rd, 2023

@bestVase7265 Yeah I eat and drink water during the day when I feel better and have been getting 9 hours of sleep bc I’m so tired. It cuts into my study time though so I’m not well prepared for my final tomorrow. An online puzzle sounds fun, I’ll see what the App Store offers.

1 reply
bestVase7265 February 24th, 2023

Sleep is often more important than actually studying. This is coming from an actual professor. Never feel guilty about sleep.

For my jigsaws, I just use jigsaw explorer which is an online site rather than an app.

You can do this.@growing9796

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CDK1972 February 22nd, 2023

@growing9796 Hello there. My mornings are the ones that are really hard. I guess it’s because my cortisol levels are hi. I just get up, get ready for the day and I instantly start feeling a little better. And believe me it sucks but pushing myself to get up is the key. I know yours is more at night so maybe do some art or a quick exercise. What do you think?

2 replies
growing9796 OP February 23rd, 2023

@CDK1972 art and exercise rarely instantly make me feel better, it just feels like nothing helps at all.

1 reply
CDK1972 February 23rd, 2023

@growing9796. Hi have you tried either of the 2 books I recommended? What about medication? At least for awhile.

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