Strong Desire to Hold Someone (and to be held)

Hello 7cups community. The title is pretty much just how I've been feeling lately. I've constantly been having urges to hold someone in a romantic or loving fashion, I've even been having fatasies about it. My parents fight often, and I've been surrounded by toxicicity to the point where I can tell it's affected my brain. But I don't want to become the toxicicity that surrounds me. I constantly try to be level-headed, but sometimes the stress gets to me and I just get angry.

I currently don't have my driver's license yet, so my main escape is video games and television, but I've also been studying politics recently. I do have a couple of friends, but I still feel the urges I mentioned above. I know this is probably coming off as very ungrateful, but it's just not the same. Also, I currently don't have any friends in person I can hang out with, which just adds to the feelings of loneliness.

Apparently I have a mild form of autism that makes communication with others difficult, but I question this. Whether it's autism or just social awkwardness, or something else entirely, the feelings I can definitely pinpoint are: anger, sadness, loneliness, and frustration. I also wish I understood others better, beyond just formal communication and polite gestures. The area beyond that is a little scary to me, and I have a hard time becoming interested in other people. I find it hard to relate to other people. This makes me sad sometimes.