I don’t get it

I have split parents (they’ve been split for my whole life, my dad was the cause and the only reason Im still connected to him is because he survived cancer). I was homeschool until 3rd grade (skipped second grade) and every since i’ve gone to school i’ve been (i think) depressed, and i feel like i can’t change at all because i’ve been like this for as long as i can remember to the point it’s engraved into my personality. who even am i?? i don’t know what i like anymore. i used to love drawing but it’s an on and off hobby because sometimes i’m too lazy to draw and i feel incapable. i don’t even know what my future will be like anymore