Help me please
My old post was too long, no one responded, in summary, My parents beat me a lot when I was a kid. I'm 14 now, because of that, I became addicted to anything that gave me pleasure, including porn, food and the internet. 2 years ago, I was stuck in a cycle and got beaten up badly. Didn't think much of it, because I wasn't mature, but it was a cycle of anything that gives pleasure, get bad grades then get hit. Tried relating to an artist called kid cudi, realized I have so many problems that I don't know how to get through, every day seems further away from my goals and I see a hopeless future, I feel like I have no purpose, and sometimes I want to you know. I never choose to do it and will never. I need help, but can't get it, my parents think what I'm going through is fake. I take pride in this because it makes me feel like someone, because everyone sees me as the fat loser, but now I feel like someone. I want to change at the same time I don't, I don't know whether my issues are fake or real.
I'm trapped in a cycle and even though I feel happy, I'm not really happy. I feel all this stems out of trying to relate to music and its not real, but I don't know.
@indigoHouse922 I'm really sorry you're going through this. Some of this resonates with how I felt as a 14 year-old. The major difference was I focused on my grades because I knew it was the only way to get out of my parents' home.
I don't know if you've spoken to anyone at school about this, or if you're able to pay for a therapist here on 7Cups. I will say that getting in the gym when I was 20 really helped me with confidence and a sense of not being an obese loser. And being able to work starting at 16 also gave me a sense of accomplishment, so I recommend getting a job when you're legally able to...but you can go to your school's gym now, or just work out from home even. No one believed in me and then I went from Obese Class 3 to Healthy BMI and I just really felt like I could do anything...mostly because this was something I felt I couldn't do all my life. Part of why I'm on 7Cups is for binge eating.
Joining an after-school club might also be helpful...helps get you out of the house, helps get you around people your age in person and all that good stuff. I recommend you all keep your phones somewhere else during the club meetings or other hangout times because it's easy to get distracted by the phone and not be in the moment with your peers. Even at my age I have to remind myself to do that.
@ProcessingMitchell It's sad because I can't escape since it makes me feel like someone, I feel like I'm stuck in this cycle, and I'm going to be a nobody, I can't tell if my feelings are real or fake and it drives me crazy. I need help and I can't get it, not to mention there is some good in my parents, they are very nice and actually care, in their weird way.
@ProcessingMitchell I also, think I'm using the word suicide lightly, but I can't tell, I do feel I'm stuck in a cycle and suicide feel like the only way out sometimes. But I'm too afraid to anway. I force myself to think of all of these thoughts to make me not bored, they feel so real and genuine. I hate myself, and I need help. The journey is time consuming and hard I'm not ready for that.
I just want to say: you’re not alone. 💛 I too have often thought, I don’t know if I have problems or if I’m just making this stuff up. I believe that trauma along with other issues such as depression, anxiety, and addiction does that to a person. We don’t know what to think and believe because we are all over the place. 😔
While these things are not “our fault” in order to heal (do more than just survive) we have to do what’s best for us whether that’s seek help or put up appropriate boundaries.
People can be pros at telling us “it’s just us” or “it’s all in our heads.” Abusers are also manipulators. 😔 That’s why it’s good to seek help and treatment options. Sooner rather than later.
i believe that you recognize that temporary solutions and bandaids do not fix our problems. I’ve been there. My bandaids made me very happy, but did not solve any of my problems. In the end, I felt worse.
I’m truly sorry for the abuse and neglect that you experienced. No one should endure that. I pray that you are able to find a good counselor who can walk along side you and help you discover a new, peaceful normal life. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it to get help now. 💛
@Olive1Q82 Do you think I have depression, I'm obsesed with this one question, because I'm fine but I'm not fine at the same time
@Olive1Q82, it could be fake depression as I'm using it to feel like I'm someone important so I guess I'm using it to obtain a reward
I believe that’s something for a medical professional to determine.
Many years ago, I was at the doctor for something unrelated to depression, but there was a poster on the wall about Depression. When the doctor came in, I suggested that maybe every thing I was experiencing was related to Depression. I had an evaluation that day and was diagnosed with Depression. Either way, it’s good to speak with a professional for guidance.
With Depression, you can be fine one minute and not fine the next. It comes and goes. There are good days and very bad days.
@Olive1Q82 I think I need to be real with myself, every time I use it to cure my boredom. I'm going to try not to do that, I need help but I can't get it for some reason, I'm stopping myself
