Confused, and needs help

Hi, I'm 14 and I realized I have so many issues. My parents yell and hit me a lot, but I can't lie they are not evil, they care about me in their own weird way, they showed attention and love. I'm distant with them, and don't tell them much. I make a few jokes, but it's hard to talk to them. I'm in a weird position and I need help, they don't want to accept that. They can't stand it when I make a single mistake. Anyway, my parents always made me work a lot and hit me a lot when I made mistakes. This made me resort to find ways to have fun. When I got my first computer I became addicted with video games because I could just have fun. Eventually, it turned to internet addiction and soon after porn addiction. I realized I need help, as previously I have thought the world has been a better place without me. When I discovered an artist called Kid Cudi, I discovered I had so many problems and I needed help.  At the same time I felt like someone, I don't know why I wanted that attention. I felt dumb, stupid my grades deteriorated. I had no energy to study or do anything unless I was forced too, then I could do it and I could enjoy it. Everyday I'm disgusted with myself for brief moments, I don't like being myself. I have so many issues with myself that I hate. Sometimes they are genuine thoughts, sometimes I force myself to think of these things out of boredom and wanting to feel like someone. I'm trapped in a cycle, get bad grades, because of addiction, get no help, get yelled and hit. I can't escape because first of all I can't survive without porn for 3 days, I can't survive without scrolling. I'm stuck in a cycle that I can't escape, but it's ok that's how I want it. I at least feel like someone. I know I need help desperately, but I can't bring myself to ask for it. Sometimes, I think the world is better without me. These things don't bother me, I've felt it all, being hit, told I was stupid, so many times. I just sit there and laugh. Am I an attention seeker who is pathetic or is there more to it? Do I really have depression or is it made up? Is it not addiction or just lack of self control? Will I be stuck in this cycle forever and will it drive me to insanity. At night sometimes I can't sleep because these thoughts keep me up when I am disgusted with myself. I can have fun and feel ok, but I know I'm trapped in a cycle every day, even though I feel ok, I'm not ok. I have so many questions that need to be answered. 

I realize it's a lot but please help