A note to myself

Below is a item I wrote to myself.  I recently read it and it helped make me feel better.  Please don’t believe everything you tell yourself when you are depressed! It’s not true!  

Hey

How are you doing? Listen, I know how you are feeling and I’m sorry you are going through this again.  The darkness can be so suffocating and Scarey and makes living really hard.  I wish I could make it stop instantly and help you feel safe inmediately.   But, let me tell ya something, I know you will get through this.  I know you will be okay.  Trust me.   Since I know you are in a dark place right now, please listen closely.  You are worth it man.  You have come a long way. You have so much to be thankful for.  Yes, I get it.  It’s hard to see right now so let me tell you what you already know but can’t currently see.  You have a beautiful family.   You married the greatest woman possible. Yup, you got very lucky and who knows why she picked you or how and why you were worthy of her but you are together.  And now, you have 5 beautiful, healthy, talented and smart children.  Did you ever envision that when you were younger?  I’m not done so keep listening….You also have two great families that can help you when you need it.  Make sure you let them know when you need help.  I know it’s embarrassing when you feel like a failure but just telling someone how you are feeling will help.  Don’t keep it locked up inside.  That doesn’t help; ever.  Ok, let’s get to what’s bothering you the most, the company.  Keep in mind your company has had good years.  This was a tough one and things happened that you did not see coming.  You don’t want to be in the situation you are in but it happened.  Just continue to do the next right thing, every day.  You are smart enough to know what that means. It could be easy or difficult decisions but you know what needs to be done, what is right for the business, what is right for everyone.  Would you really change your past if you could?  I think it’s easy to look at all the awful *** things that have happened and say I wish that did not happen to me, why did that have to happen to me?  But that’s not how you learn.  You never were much of a planner, more of wanderer and let’s face it, depression has slowed you down.  But it doesn’t need to be that way.  You have learned how to work at staying mentally and physically strong. You have ways to fight depression.  Don’t skip exercising, ever. Just don’t.  Be grateful your legs, heart and lungs are strong and workout as much as possible.  For you, excercise gives that relief your brain needs.  I know that first 10 seconds of starting a workout sucks but the after effects, the rush of seratonin and dopamine well outweigh how hard it is to start the workout.  It outweighs depression man.  Promise me you wont ever stop working out.  Now, I know you like listening to as many mental health experts as possible but at some point you need to start doing what it is they are telling you to do.  I think praticing mindfulness could help you. Just *** try every day for 6 months and see if it helps.   Just try, please, for me.   Keep it simple.  Do the breathing exercise first then add something else once you can do that for 10 minutes at a time.  Pay your bills when you can but only when you can.  Otherwise, focus on the next right thing. I know you hate to hear this but you have wasted so much time on negativity and rumination and it’s *** doing nothing. It does not solve anything.  If it did, trust me, you would have zero mental problems.  You have put the time in thinking about your problems, over and over and over again and it got you knowhere.   Create a plan, excercise and take action every day as if your life depends on it.  The alternative is to end up with a mind invested with negativity which leads to anxiety and then depression.  You don’t want that!  Go gentle on yourself right now especially.  I know it will be hard to do so but you must try.  Keep your routines as best you can.  Keep getting things done.  You’re in a fragile state so please go easy on yourself.   *** the worry, embrace hope and think positive.   See a future you want to have and be honest with what you want.  Know what truly matters.  Then protect that with everything you have!  I’ll say it again, don’t ruminate.  If there is a cure for rumination, it’s  action. Stay in the action lane, not the rumination one.  Think about what worrying does, how it makes you feel.  It’s all bad feelings!  Think of positive outcomes.  Be deliberate with it, say positive things, do positive things.   You know I’m right and ai’m not full of ***!  Lastly, learn to love yourself more. I think it mostly starts with that.  Find the happy, find the peace.  Love you forever!