What brought me here

What brought me here well can be a lengthy explanation but I'm going to try to offer a brief summary of what exactly has brought me here I've struggled with mental and emotional problems for as long as I can remember I'm a 40 year old male I have been married for the past two and a half years and my wife has really more than most people has noticed that I have deep struggles in this regard and helped encourage me to get medication I was put on Prozac few months ago and could tell that everything was a little bit better but ended up not being able to have my medication consistently supplied and then convince myself that I didn't really need it my wife along with many others had told me that I could tell that the medication had made a very positive impact whether I had realized it or not and being off this medication people had let me know they were starting to tell me that I was getting bad again they can tell a negative difference 12 last weekend went out with a date night with the wife and ended up over indulging and got upset over some things like went from having a great night to just super upset over losing this money can't calm down almost in like a blind rage on the way home in the car got very upset started flipping out hitting things in the car and she in turn and keep in mind was also pretty intoxicated got very upset with me not being able to calm down screaming at me to stop when I was doing and then we ended up getting into a very crazy fight and I went to jail for the first time in my life and I cannot have any contact with her or return to my home so just like that and one night I lost everything so I realized for years I have self-medicated try to manage my extreme ups and downs manic episodes xcetera mood swings also being a part of this so this was a catalyst hitting rock bottom per se to try to seek help this is the first step and what I know is not going to be an easy or short Journey I wish I had taking the initiative to get the ball rolling old helping myself a long time ago and maybe could have avoided these things but that being said I would like to say hello to all and I feel welcome in this community and I'm really enjoying this application is my first day but I've definitely gained some helpful tools already and have had a very good listener that I spoke to earlier