Schizophrenia Isolation

Schizophrenia, and mental illness is general, is very lonely. I have lost all but a literal handful of friends because of the actions I made during the height of my first psychoses.

I used to think once I had my illness managed and I was clinically stable, I would regain all my lost connections and friendships. But I've recently realized that they're gone forever and the life I had before the Great Reckoning (referring to the time period from when my symptoms started actively impacting my daily life to getting diagnosed) is gone as well.

I understand being around me was very hard for a good amount of years while I was struggling with accepting my diagnosis and going through psychotic episodes. But it wasn't exactly a picnic for me either.

When I try to talk to people about my schizophrenia now, they just tell me to go back on medication and numb everything until the symptoms getting numbed out as well. They just want to shove me in a dark closet and call it a day.

Being on medication was awful. I've been on over half a dozen different antipsychotics and seen over half a dozen different doctors. I've been hospitalized more times than I can remember. I'm tired of people telling me to return to the money hungry, egotistical and greedy industry that does not care about the customers they drain of all finances until they die under a mountain of debt. I've been called straight up crazy by healthcare professionals. I've been talking about behind my back, to my face, on a screen, etc. I'm not returning to that and I'm not ever considering it as an option.

Schizophrenia is just isolating and lonely. I don't know any other schizophrenic people. I've only ever met schizophrenia people in mental hospitals, when we were all in different levels of crisis. I wish I knew other schizophrenics that were coping or earnestly trying to because I want people in my life to lift me up, not drag me down to the underworld with them. I get what that pit of darkness is like because I used to live with it, but I worked hard so I don't have to anymore. But it doesn't make it any less isolating.