Fed Up... Existo-Emotional Breakdown!🖤

5AM...🖤 the alarm pierces through the silence... marking yet another sleepless night. i let it persist... its mocking tone goes on... im drowning in its taunts for 5 painful minutes. my mirror on my wall covered in glued random words as an attempt to avoid facing my perceieved worthlessness. As I peel off those words, I confront my reflection, feeling like an image on the wrong side of the world.Tears flow, i feel a rare vulnerability i hate and quickly use music as a distraction but the notes fail to drown my reality this time. It chases me. I break down again... heavy sobs revealing the depth of my sorrow, my reality closing in..."I'm fed up...so fed up, tired, sick and tired... I'm sick and tired... oh my gawd, I'm so done... I'm so dead..."  my voice trembles at this point i realise its either i get up now... or.........idk

im tired of

🖤sleepless nights, external influences, self-hatred, degradation, punishment, futile struggles, time wastage, fear, yearning for acceptance, battling inadequacy, skipping meals, emotional suppression, imprisoning my inner child, incessant proving, overwork, suffocating silence, and allowing others to define and label my reality as unreal.🖤

I have run out of options... and the battle begins...everything im tired of, emds right here.... so a mindset is developed.. "FORCE IT TILL IT SEAMLESSLY BECOMES YOUR REALITY"

What are you tired of?