I think I'm the bipolar part in this or whatever

I feel like i have a long time of depression and dark places i go to, and then recently I've been wanting to become a polyglot and also go off grid (cuz *** the gov't) and i also would like to become a musician and stuff, but as soon as i start thinking about how i won't have friends or get a wife and things like that it starts me on a bad path, i don't think it's as simple as "just do it" maybe it is but i just feel like i can't yk and then i feel like theres other things i can't do since I'm poor (ik being poor in america isn't the same as being poor in burkina faso or even countries ike south korea, russia and ukraine, but it still doesn't change the fact that being poor in general sucks) i do think there's a decent chance i may get a job and stuff since i did a better interview than the first time but yk