I’m new here

First, how do I know if it actually posted? Second brief resume: I have panick to therapy therefore Im undiagnosed in everything and that makes me feel like Im just attention seeking even if I know that symptoms clearly match me I just dont wanna self diagnosed. All my friends say I have smth n I need help. Bipolar matches me, my bf is bipolar and says that I am too and I just cant go to actual therapy cause i honestly start crying and panicking and feel like Im dying (that comes from smth else of when i was a kid and i am aware, I have tried to go but I just cant)