Bipolar
Something I'm trying to do is take responsibility and forgive myself for all the things I did surrounding my last manic/psychotic episode. Also get closure.
I stopped taking my meds consistently because for some reason at night I had begun experiencing panic attacks after I took them. I didn't talk to my psychiatrist about it. I got terrible sleep and became manic. I was anxious and paranoid. Feeling like I was being monitored and my life was exposed. It seemed like some people knew details about my life that I never shared with them. I also had lots of strange experiences. What sucks is that I was pretty lucid, so everything felt real and til this day I'm unsure about what was simply mental illness and what could've been spiritual. Something I wondered about was if it was possible that I could have unbalanced psychic abilities. Maybe I was capable of seeing things most people couldn't.
I eventually reached a breaking point and ended up at the hospital then at an inpatient center to get stable. I got back on my meds and talked to my psychiatrist. We tried out different meds to see what worked best.
I've been stable for a few years, but I still think back to the episode and it boggles my mind. I have many questions about all the things I went through. I've been journaling and hope I'll be able to get closure soon.
I hope this post makes sense. It's a bit all over the place.
@sailormoon97 I had similar experience! And I didn’t know what is real and what is spiritual
I understand where you're coming from. I struggle with thought broadcasting to. Sometimes it seems real. Sometimes it seems like a dream. Neither of which I have any control over. I think therapy will help. I think being able to talk about and get validation on your thoughts, help. I struggle with delusions of grander. I think people can hear my thoughts and I have no privacy in my thinking. It's a common phenomenon in people with mental illness. I also think if it really was psychic abilities, it wouldn't make me sick. It wouldn't break my mental health or seems me to the hospital. It would just be connecting. Instead it's trauma and delusions and severe anxiety. I'm sure there are people out there with pushing abilities but I don't think they have mental illnesses. I hope that helps
Thank you for posting about your experiences. I have bipolar 2 and have also struggled with what’s real and imaginary. I’ve been concerned about this for several years but don’t know how to discuss it with those around me. I have no “proof” and tend to just think I misremembered something. It causes me to be frustrated and deflated to think I can’t even see the world around me anymore. How do y’all deal with this? I need to find a therapist again but the area I live in has very few services unless I travel further away, which I am willing to do. Just haven’t found the right therapist yet.
How’d the journaling go? Come to any conclusions? I’ve had similar experience and it made me feel so seen, Thankyou
@sailormoon97 it's okay to have flashbacks with right treatment but I'm sorry you're having them
I am sorry you are suffering—I really do mean that because it sounds very difficult what you have gone through. You are very adept at speaking about your experiences with your how you feel and what you’ve went through. I’m not you, but it sounds like to me that you find some healing or understanding in self-reflection of what you’ve gone through even through traumatic and distressing moments or otherwise when it’s unclear what is going on. I just want to honor how you’ve talked about your experiences because I think what you’ve written here is so special and valid for others to read as an example of self-reflection into one’s own life to find meaning. You’re doing a great job with things and I too try to find closure in all of the unsettling situations and unknowns. Hope you find some peace in all of this..
Totally makes sense!!!
I just got home from another hospital stint.
I'm not working on repairing relationships as I totally pulled the bipolar ghosting.
Being kind and gentle with ourselves is the most important thing in healing.
I wish you a peaceful day.
❤️🩹
Oops... meant to say now repairing. Not "not"
I had a similar episode, you can get past it. Sometimes it helps me to remember that I was sick.