I hate this...so angry and irritable...and scared
I hate this. I have a wonderful husband who tries so hard to make me happy, appreciates me, accepting of who I am, and makes my life better. Yet sometimes, bipolar makes me so over the top angry and irritated at his very presence. He'll look at me and it makes me mad cause I know he's thinking bad things about me and he gonna leave me (projection and abandonment issues). I cursed him out this morning for using all the coffee grounds and not grinding more (its ok self it'll take 10 seconds). He'll water the plants wrong (how is that even possible). All these thing are minor or false yet i feel them so strongly at the moment they happen. I do fear he will leave me one day even though he swears he wont....he probably will....they always do sooner or later.....
When you lash out or feel angry about the things your husband does, that isn't your fault in any way. Having a mental illness like BPD can be difficult to manage, and the fact that you try your very best to live with it everyday means so much. The bond you and your husband has seems so remarkable and caring. I can tell that he is patient and understands why you are doing these actions; it isn't because you genuinely want to make him feel bad. Communicate with him and let him know how you feel about this. It sounds like you are experiencing anxiety. He is very loving, he will not leave you over something you don't mean to hurt him over <3
As I posted prior I hired a marriage therapists trained with Bipolar and was a major help