Bipolar Depression- do I deserve this?
I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar (not sure which one) like 3 years or so ago. I don’t have “rage” sometimes associated with bpd. Mines is strictly SUPER DEPRESSIVE or feeling good (mania?). I’ve also been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since 13 I am now 23. I have a job (that is very flexible) and I still live at home with my mom (just me and her and it gets emotionally draining ALOT).
backstory: I got out of a toxic(emotionally) 2+ yr relationship that ended up me going on a grippy sock vacay- psych ward (only weekend stay) Easter of 2021 we separated. I was basically depressed for a month or so on and off. Then got super high on life basically and felt on top of the world confident. Then someone came into my life unexpectedly. We were great. We are currently still together (we make a year in a few weeks). But I feel like I’m self sabotaging the relationship due to my mental health falling. Agian.
My “vacay” was traumatizing for me and I will never feel “safe” going that route for help agian and I think it has caused some ptsd. With that being said. I know I need help. I go see a private therapist. And stopped before I got with my current boyfriend taking medicine (i never felt like any helped) and I also don’t feel like there is anything for me out there. I don’t feel safe going anywhere for help for worry of being “put away” (literally what it felt like in the hospital).
I want so much for my life. I want a family kids career travel pets. But I also don’t see that for myself anymore. I want it but I don’t see it happening due to not knowing if I’ll actually live to fulfill that want.
i don’t know who I am. I never felt like I knew who I was. I love unconditionally and try my best to help anyone and everyone. But no one reaches out to me. I give up the hobbies I think I like at the time so quickly. I’m a huge empath. I feel everything others are feeling and I also feel like I take upon the person I’m in a relationship withs hobbies or at least I try to like things they like etc. music for example. I never listened to the type of music he listens to before him and now I do. Like even when he’s not around. If someone asks me who I am. I just say I try to be a nice person that people like.
I know this is INSANELY long. But there is just so much on my mind and I don’t know who what why or how I am here on this earth dealing with this.
@Celesteee I do not think anyone wants bipolar depression.
I am sorry for the break up in your relationship.
I truly am.
I would suggest that you might want to try three things:
1 Try the support rooms here at 7cups.
In the support rooms, members support each other, and some members come looking for support.
2. Maybe talk to a therapist here at 7 cups, they can help you.
To find a therapist please visit: https://www.7Cups.com/online-therapy/?Ob=1
3. Maybe try talking to a listener here at 7cups.
To find a listener please visit: https://www.7Cups.com/BrowseListeners/
I hope this helps.
I’m honestly not upset about the breakup I’m glad that it happened but it definitely caused a lot of trauma and that trauma has caused anxiety in my current relationship which sucks. But I am with someone so far who is still with me even tho I’m going through this tough time. Just the understanding of it is hard for him and he don’t know how to comprehend it basically or know what to do even tho I tell him. Idk. Besides that we are good. We laugh have fun etc.
I feel your story so much. I feel like it's very similar to my life. I'm currently in therapy, slowing learning to to put the pieces of myself back together and it's tough. Just wanting to do it I feel like giving up all the time. There are a ton of therapy techniques. I would suggest mindfulness. However, It's hard and takes effort, I'm not perfect at it but it helps me regulate my emotions. Meditation is good. If you make the effort and take the time it can help relieve anxiety.
