Family just doesn’t get it

Hi guys, I just need to vent. Today we went over to my parents house so they could see my 7yo daughter for her birthday. She is autistic (PDA profile) and has ADHD. She doesn’t like a lot of attention especially on her birthday. I’ve told my mum a number of times that we don’t sing happy birthday and blow out candles with her as she hates it and has asked us not to. When we arrived she was still clinging on to me like a koala and hadn’t warmed up yet. They had this table set up with a pile of cupcakes with a candle in each one of them. As soon as my little one saw it she buried her head in my chest and clung on even tighter. My mum kept insisting that we light the candles and sing her happy birthday. Read the room lady!! I told her again nicely that she didn’t want to. So she cracked it and pulled out all the candles and threw them down in a huff. Needless to say, we didn’t stay much longer after that. A couple of hours later I get this passive aggressive text message saying she hoped she’d snapped out of her bad mood by now and that she’d only tried to make her birthday special. I’m so over this crap!!!! Grrrr!!!!