TW: A mom who hates her own child?
So, I just wanted to share something I hadn’t really thought about before: how parents feel about their autistic children.
I volunteer in a certain group, a baby café and other activities for parents. My job is to prepare refreshments for them when they meet to share their daily lives. I haven’t been working there for long, and today I heard something that really shocked me, how some parents actually talk about their autistic children.
"It was better before she was born," one of them said. I find it really difficult to hear someone say that so openly. Of course, people are allowed to express themselves!
She was talking about how her daughter’s autism affects her life negatively, but what struck me was how overwhelmingly negative she was. She described her daughter as "stupid" and even went so far as to say, "I almost hope she gets hit by a car."
I was honestly really angry when I heard it. I have no idea what the person she was talking to thought about her words.
I wish I could have said something, but what good would it have done? After all, everyone is there for a sense of community. But I felt both angry and sad that someone could wish harm on their own child. I really hope she gets help with her perspective on her daughter because it sounds like she truly needs support....
I’ve been thinking about this all day, and next week I’ll probably meet the same mom again. Deep down, I want to talk to her about what she said, but at the same time, I feel like I should just let it go. What would you have done if you were in my shoes?
@MorningDewHorizon
Have you considered the mom may be overwhelmed by all she has to deal with. Maybe she does not have the support system and verbally spewed out horrible things that she may not have meant but was in a moment of being at end of her rope?
Not all kids regardless of diagnosis are the same......... even a child that seems like little trouble in a public setting may be a real handful at times. I remember my niece would not listen/ would not mind and was shopping with my mom her grandma the rule was hand on the shopping cart to get to car .......my niece liked to run ....my mom said do not listen you will be hit by a car ....... and she was hit running out in front of car in a parking lot .... did grandma wish it on her no ......but told her it would happen ... no real injury but if someone else heard it might have made up their mind grandma hoped for it or was an awful person.
@toughTiger6481 Of course, I thought about that....but I've never heard anyone say that about their own child. Of course, children with diagnoses can be a lot of work. I just think it's sad that someone would say that.
And I mean in the way she said it.
@MorningDewHorizon
honestly some may say it and also mean it.
Many feel somehow that struggles in life like a child with special needs is a burden or punishment. They are angry at their own life cannot say one way or another except a case by case basis. I know some can help in speaking up but have also seen other cause more issues by adding on to an already stressful situation.
you are right it is sad but we do not know what another person is dealing with underneath the surface.