Romantic Relationships and Autism, what are your struggle
Being diagnosed with Autism as an adult, Ive found that throughout my life Ive struggled with romantic relationships.
Some of these have included:
- Being overly trusting
- Needing explicit perameters as to where I stand in a relationship. ( What are we?)
- Being more likely to experience domestic abuse ( which I have experienced.)
- Putting my eggs in one basket
What struggles with romantic relationships have you guys had as persons with Autism? How did you learn to combat these struggles?
@PinkFloyd65
I struggle with finding the right person who would understand me completely and respectful of my boundaries.
Honesty below:
I fell in love for the first time last year. He's an older coworker. I had to hide our relationship from my mom because she is an overprotective bear. She hated him the moment she knew he existed. She is always like that. Over the months we became intimate, but had to confine that to his car for lack of any other options. Not classy, I know. I finally told my mom the other day and she went nuts. She threatened to have him arrested for taking advantage of me. I was onboard with what we were doing, but mom says I don't have the capacity to make good decisions and the law will ignore my right to decide. Is that true?
Mom did say that she might let it go if I totally cut ties with him. Now my guy is hurt and confused and angry at me because I didn't explain Autism to him and what it all meant and how this could go bad. I was afraid he'd run away. Now everything is ruined. Probably forever.
So, yeah, that's my big problem. Last few days have been long and miserable.
Also, I suffer the same issues many of you have mentioned above. Trusting, not assertive, confusing to people (but not on purpose), can't tell people's intentions.
I'm sorry this was your experience, Dino. I'm not entirely certain on the laws for that, but I can only imagine that if you are a consenting adult, that speaks enough for itself. You described your mother as an "overprotective bear" — a sentiment that I can relate with. The way your mom's reaction made you feel is completely understandable and by no means is it invalid.
As far as your co-worker being upset that you didn't wholly explain Autism to him, I would like to add that I don't think you are obligated to divulge everything to someone about it. ASD isn't a set for one particular person and pinpointing what may or may not "go wrong" can be incredibly difficult, especially if you're in unfamiliar territory. One relationship will never perfectly mirror a previous relationship; that can be said even for allistic relationships. We can come up with scenarios or expectations, but a lot can change from one to another. When all is said and done, relationships can be difficult — both platonic and romantic.
I hope you are able to surround yourself with supportive and healthy relationships all around. I'm wishing you all the best and rooting for you. 