Asperger’s — BIL diagnosed— can anyone with this give me insight on what it’s like to live with this?

Full Story (TW: BIL suicide attempt / drugs / rape)

Shortly before moving in together last April, my partner’s brother slit his arm and was sent to the psychiatric ward for two weeks. The doctors told us that BIL has “Asperger’s” and put him on medication. BIL had to move out of the shared apartment and was whisked away by MIL’s boyfriend (step-dad-in-law) to another state—I think this was to give MIL and my partner time to gather themselves from the incident. Minimal communication from BIL and SDIL until they returned to the city a few weeks ago.

Here’s where I (diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar) need some advice from people with first-hand experience of having Asperger’s

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Since coming back, BIL has been “stuck” as MIL’s apartment. Feels like he is self-paralyzed and unable to go back to a “regular” life (i.e. getting work, finding his own place, and relearning his independence). MIL has been worried. She’s called us a few times to give is updates on BIL—but it’s starting to feel more like she’s just complaining/venting/ranting. As an outsider, it sounds like she’s just putting down BIL without giving him proper guidance or, maybe, she’s also just lost too… so here I am wanting to reach-out to online strangers for feedback if BIL’s patterns sounds familiar.

MIL noted the following things about BIL’s behavior;

(1) always tired, lying down on the sofa with towel over his face

(2) inability to focus on conversations (i.e. 10-20 sec lag for verbal face-to-face responses)

(3) doesn’t seem to have motivation for get a job and earn money

(4) selling/giving away expensive equipment from his longtime music production hobby

(5) minimally does chores (i.e. rinses his plate but doesn’t wash it, leaves sofa a mess after lying down all day, take out trash but not reline the bin, etc.)

The in-laws are torn between suspected past drug-use, past new-age “prayer ritual”, or past rape (sexual abuse) by a close friend. We also don’t know if the current meds he has is helping or making things worse. BIL doesn’t talk to us about any of it. To be honest, I don’t blame him. Even I could feel the judgement the in-laws are layering on BIL behind his back. They talk like he’s now an invalid who can never get his sh*t together anymore. They all say they want him to not have to be in assisted living accommodations but, as a person with mental health issues too, I don’t hear any compassion from them to listen.

So, I want to know from the people who’ve lived and experienced Asperger’s first-hand, does any of BIL’s patterns look familiar? How did you manage to get out of the slump and pull life back together? How does your new “normal” look like while you live with Asperger’s?