Today was difficult.
Today, I broke my fast for Ramadan at a big community-wide dinner, instead of at home with my husband. There were soooo many people and honestly, it sometimes triggers me a bit that the room is not only wall-to-wall full of people but also, I struggle with the language barrier. I feel stressed that I can't make friends due to language barriers, cultural barriers, and then social anxiety on top of that. I just wantedto cry. I tried hiding in the hallway where people weren't hanging out in (as much) but the feeling wouldn't go away. (Usually I can calm myself by taking a few minutes alone.) I ended up having this embarrassing melt-down where I cried a lot in front of everybody.
What happened was more like: I went to the bathroom to cry to myself and an Arabic-speaking lady came out and saw I was crying. Bless her heart, she wanted to help me but she couldn't really talk to me. So she went to all of the women and declared that there was a crying woman who needed help in the bathroom. So EVERYBODY AND THEIR AUNTIECAME INTO THE BATHROOM, and asking me if I'm okay...if I'm hurt, and I'm trying to explain that I'm just emotional but they don't understand and it's just making me cry more. lol
It was a rough day. XD Thankfully, I'm back at home now. Maybe the next community-wide dinner will go better. I'm just really embarrassed. lol
So sorry about this,I know how embarassing can be cry in front of everybody... My social anxiety is very strong in these days and make me even more difficult to stay among people. Yesterday I went to a wedding and I felt unconfortable and sooo stressed all the time I was there. Then I discovered all of my friends were invited to the party after the wedding,but I wasn't. So I cried. In the middle of the crowd. Luckily almost nobody noticed but I felt so ashamed....
One thing I found that really doesn't help with social anxiety is a language barrier to boot. I mean sometimes it's hard enough to convince yourself that all is good when you /do/ and can express yourself in a language you understand fully. So with a language barrier, it's like yet another blockade.
Is there anyone you can talk to about this? i.e. your husband that you mentioned or someone who's part of that group who you don't have that language barrier with? Sometimes it's easier to stick to someone you feel most comfortable around and sit by the exit. But even the best of times can be overwhelming and all we can do is accept what had happened I guess... (easier said than done for people who re-hash events over and over in our heads XD).
