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Social anxiety worse in a certain mood and/or around old, mentally strong or arrogant people (or in higher positions)?

Raya501 May 7th, 2017

I believe I've had social anxiety since late childhood. I've only started fighting against it less than a year ago, and I noticed something that I'm wondering if it has a particular significance. I noticed that it gets worse when I'm sad or angry (about something that may even not be related to social anxiety itself) like when I'm on a depression relapse, or when I'm not confident about the way I look. I usually manage it easily around family, friends, people I already know and are easy to communicate with/appear to be kind and even on the rare times I can't manage it, the symptoms are barely visible to others. However, when I go somewhere new and see new people, when I'm around people that I usually avoid talking to, or when I'm around people who are known to be arrogant or of a strong personnality and/or in a higher position (for example a professor at college). I also have a hard time talking to administrative assitants in any etablissement because I've had previous brief experiences with people of that particular status and they weren't pleasing. Does this make any sense? Is it normal for social anxiety to increase when one or more of those parameters are present? Anyone who have it in a similar way? I've been curious about this for months and thought it wasn't important enough to share/ask questions... I really want to see if there are people socially anxious people who also have noticed it getting worse in the presence of similar parameters.

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eviesweet May 7th, 2017

@Raya501 From what you described, seems you feel more anxious when in a lower mood or not as confident, and when you meet new people or see people in higher positions or who you tend to avoid. Having a lower mood or not feel as confident can make social anxiety "stronger" in a way, because it feeds on that mood and low-confidence. Usually social anxiety comes from fear of judgement or embarassment, or any similar fear (everyone can feel it differently, of course). That's why some people may feel confident or less anxious around close family members and friends, and people that seem kind, like you mentioned, because they don't feed into those fears. They don't give you that big sensation of "they will judge me", in a way. Those that don't fit that kind/"close friend" profile, can make anxiety go up, get worse. Because it feeds into the fear.

We often see people who are in higher positions or arrogant being mean, and when you struggle with social anxiety you are sensitive to those details. Also, new people can be an enigma, you never know how they will react - that can lead to anxiety, for sure!

If it's normal? First of all, how you experience this is important, and that's main thing. And everyone can experience things differently, that's why mental disorders can be hard to diagnose at times, since everyone experiences it differently. That being said, it's normal to have different levels of anxiety and to have it increase in certain situations. Many things can make that happen and your anxiety may "shift" while time goes, which can be confusing.

I'm glad you asked this question, since I'm sure many others may relate or feel like "oh they put in words what I wanted to say!", and that's what's so good about communities. smiley And it totally makes sense. Hope that what I said, helped you in any way!

1 reply
Raya501 OP May 7th, 2017

@eviesweet Thank you so much! That's what I wanted to hear. I thought I was just weird. When I'm anxious I lose awareness of my surroundings, and I don't hear everything other people say, as I only focus on how (if) I'm stuttering and how (if) my voice sounds weak/shaky and how the person(s) I'm talking to is(are) reacting. When it gets even worse I may experience slight trembling in the hands, dryness of the mouth and sometimes lightheadedness and/or bothered stomach or a sudden headache. I also don't focus on my breathing so I find myself breathless after that threat goes away, which indicates I probably breath less/not enough when I'm anxious but I don't notice that until the situation is over.

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CactusC May 7th, 2017

I definitely feel like my anxiety is worse when I'm in a low mood. I think it's a lot to do with having less energy in general so everything just feels a bit more dificult including my anxiety. I also think that it gets more intense for me when I'm in a low mood as I'm more fragile and sensitive to others peoples opinions and actions towards me so I really try and avoid any kind of social interaction that may be difficult or unpredictable.

1 reply
Raya501 OP May 8th, 2017

@CactusC Thank you for sharing. I agree that when we're in a low mood we're more sensitive to other people's reactions. Maybe self-esteem isn't something constant that you have to work on improving and that's it, since a low mood can affect it even the slightest bit.

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