Could I please have some advice on how to cope with my social anxiety and self image?

I’ve always been a shy person, and never knew how to talk to people. I thought it wasn’t that bad, until about maybe 3 years ago. I cannot start or keep up a conversation with anyone, and it is really frustrating for both me, and others. My boyfriend (who is extremely kind and helpful), tries his best to help me to start to talk to him and others, but I always end up staying way too quiet in conversations and it makes me feel really really bad. I also have no fun hobbies or interests that I feel like I could talk about with others. Which is really frustrating for me, because while I have spent weeks, searching for some kind of hobby that I enjoy (even just a little bit), I cannot find anything. I am trying so hard to find common or basic conversation starters but all of them feel like that they are just not right, for the types of conversations, that I am in. I’m really afraid of losing my boyfriend and friends because of this, and the constant self hate that I have on top of this, is making me go insane! I used to be the really shy and quiet girl who was always smiling and was always happy, but now, I’m so sad all of the time that I can’t even fake a little smile every now and then, and cannot even attempt to talk to people in my school. All of this, has been leading me to have some extreme self-harm and suicidal thoughts, and they are so strong, I am so close to actually doing them. I don’t know what to do, and any bit of advice will help, so please, of anyone has anything that they could say to help me, please do!!!!!!! 🙏🙏🙏 And thank you so much, in advance!!!!!!!!!!