Anxiety Just Won't Quit

That's awful you've been dealing w/ all this @ the same time. That was a good move quitting that job. 24 hr shifts isn't normal or healthy. There are tons of better jobs out there where ppl treat you better. I've also heard about free support groups & even free counseling & this site is awesome. That's really rough w/ your family. Does your brother show any signs when he's irritable? Maybe your mom doesn't scold him cuz she's afraid of his meltdowns. Have you talked to her about it at all? Maybe bringing up that he's in an irritable mood before he has a meltdown might help alert her too so she won't snap at you & blame you. Also, there might be ways to calm your brother down before he has a meltdown too. Or you could just leave the situation. She can't snap at you if you're not there

Actually my brother seems to only start up a fit when I'm involved or they (my brother or mom) assume I'm involved. It doesn't matter if it involves my brother directly or not. If my mom says I messed up something or I did something I shouldn't have and he hears it, it starts up again. It's really strange.

I usually stay in my room now so that he isn't triggered and I don't have to listen to it. But it's hard because I want to be with my family too. Like if we all vote to have movie night and the movie triggers him (that happens sometimes too) he'll turn to me and start yelling and then my mom thinks I started it. etc.

He doesn't show any signs until he starts yelling. He can be completely placid and watching t.v. with us and then it just hits.

P.S. I'm working on a fulltime programming bootcamp on the web right now in order to get a better job.

Hmm have you talked to your mom about how he only starts up when you're involved? If it's really only when you're involved it sounds like he's playing you both. Maybe talking to your mom about it could help break the cycle. Sometimes ppl can get blindsided when they're acomodating someone & forget that ppl w/ challenges can intentionally misbehave too.

That's awesome about the boot camp. I'm a programmer & it's a pretty good market. & tech is everywhere so you could probably find something that combines tech & your other interests

Looks like your anxiety is triggered particularly when you're verbally attacked, when you don't deserve it and/or the attacker is someone you're taking care of. The root certainly lies with your family life. Remember this though: things said under influence of illness, medication and strong negative emotions (anger, jealousy) do not really count. Your brother certainly didn't mean the hurtful things he said.

You're doing your bit to help your family and make the world a little better. No reason why you should think you're a walking curse. You are having a tough time; I understand. If it gets too much, you can always get help. There are people on this site itself who can lend a ear, even if you wish to merely vent out.

Thank you. It's made me feel a lot better just venting it out on here. I'm thinking about getting some help. I've tried in the past but my family doesn't believe me when I tell them I have anxiety. I don't show it. I don't break out in tears or anything around them. So, they never see any proof of it.

That's awful that they don't believe it. I can relate to my parents not knowing half the stuff that gos on in my life lol. One way to get them to understand the current problem is to break it down for them-a few instances of what you actually did & what your brother said that wasn't right. You could tell them your mom ganging up on you just makes the problem way worse when it was un-called-for anyway & it's escalating a problem that's not helping anyone. Ask wouldn't she rather not escalate these arguments & have a more peaceful fam. Anyone can relate to unecesarry stress regardless of if they have anxiety