Why can’t I stop being defensive
Today I did it again I overly defended myself on a simple issue that if I would just simply listen and reply with ok or I'll work on it. But instead it's excuse after excuse it's like diarrhea I can't control it. It really makes my partner feel unheard and uncomfortable telling me what makes them uncomfortable and I don't want to be this way. I struggle with acceptance issues and social aniexty self diagnosed too scared to go to a real doctor because it will comfirm my fear of being broken. But the anxiety came after I had my last child before that I was more so shy. But now I shake and sweat when talking to people and I have 0 friends because I don't engage with people fully if I do the shaking and stuff starts. Anywho does anybody struggle with being super defensive and how do you catch yourself before it starts.
@achantae33
I've definitely struggled with this kind of thing before. One thing that's been effective/shown results for me is having a phrase ready for when I am being criticized and I know the person is right. I think "what is the way I want to react to that kind of situation?" And think of some phrases. Then they're easier to use when I'm panicking.
@nordurnStar it's so automatic that I don't realize it until I sound ridiculous.
@achantae33
Yup, like all automatic things it will take practice to start noticing and interrupting. I try to be reasonable with myself and know that I will miss a lot of opportunities because they sounds automatic to me. Even thinking about them in retrospect and being like "oh, it happened again. I'm noticing it now" can help with catching the next one.
@achantae33
I have ptsd which reminds me of always being ready to defend, but it was caused by offensive actions and people that lash out, as well as offensive attacks during my time in Beirut in 1982. I think we adapt our defensiveness according to the many offensive actions we lived through. You might do well self treating yourself with ptsd
Blessings, Day
@juliak1968 I had a very complicated childhood and I just have trouble remembering everything so it's like I'm affected deeply by it emotionally but I don't really know why it's like that. What I do know I forgave people about it I'm still personally affected idk why. I feel this made no sense but which is how i feel confused.
@Apeach33
All types of childhood drama and trama can leave us feeling emotionally unbalanced, but we can turn it around as we learn about the great new ways they are treating the whole person, not just parts. As we learn to take a procative approach; such as searching for short (5-10 minutes) guided meditations, we can learn to regulate our thoughts and gain more control of our feelings. sometimes a little medication can help us gain healthier calm perspectives, and we can aquire a better awareness of how we interact with the present. be kind to yourself. My therapist explains how we become overwhelmed and disregulated, when we get more selfaware, we can take action when we know whats happening. Practicing really helps. Its not over night but the process can be very enlightening. We have to advocate for ourselves. I hope i explained this in a easy to understand way. Trust me it really works and can give us back some confidence and peace of mind😊
Blessings, Day
