Stuck in an imaginary relationship
Although my (not small) experience with relationships, I find myself in this stupid situation where I'm cluthced in this enormous need of communication with a specific man. We are both in serious relationships. We've met 4 months ago and he was the one who started showing a lot of attention towards me. We are both artists and he repeatedly asked me to make some small projects with him. And he was very persistent. He showed me multiple times that he likes me in a special way. It made me uncomfortable at first, but later I realized how much in common we have and how differently he's treating me than the person next to me.
If you are an artist, you will know how rare is to find someone with whom you can create in the same way, someone who understands you without words, someone who inspires you to creat when you've been indifferent to art in years. And all of you know how rare is to find someone who sees life like you do, someone who feels like a friend from the first moment you've met. Someone that can teach you, when you were always like a mother for your 5 years older boyfriend.
So I'm stucked. I don't feel the butterflies in my stomach and I want cross my moral standarts, but I desperately need to talk to this person. I have a big, big, big lack of proper communication with my boyfriend, I've had it for many years. And this new man is super busy working, so he just doesn't have the time to talk with me.
So, even if that he's still showing this special interest in me, he ignores almost every try I make to start a deep conversation. And I'm so exhausted, I feel so small. I will appreciate some advices how to manage this :( Thank you!
This is just a little message to remind you that you are enough, exactly as you are. We forget sometimes that we don't have to acquire or lose parts of ourselves to become enough, that actually we always have + always will be and those who can't see that. Their loss, you don't have anything to prove Phannki
@Blessedboy Thank you for your kind message!
@phannko I feel like at some level we all desire to feel understood and be heard and that is quite rare in today's world. And if this guy inspires you, shows you special interest, understands your style, it can feel wonderful and beautiful. Afterall, it's rare but then it can also be disappointing when he is busy. However, you must ask yourself the questions do I love the person or the way they make me feel? Do I love my boyfriend and is our lack of clear communication okay with me? Do I love myself and am I okay not having this guy's attention as long as I have myself?
I am sure you have the answer for yourself.
@luxx454 I'm not sure these are the right questions I have to ask myself, but I think I got your point. I\m trying to be in comfort with myself, but isolation is not making it easier. Tonight I went out with my BF, to friend's party. All the people - 30+ infants who believe they are at their wisest moment of their lives, no option for a deep, meaningful conversation, and also my BF being silent almost all the time, asking me 'when we're going to leave?' in the first 20 mins. That happens every time, and I'm sick of it.
So my option is finding people with whom conversation is pleasure. And I did find :) But he doesn't want to talk.
@phannko I don't know you but it just seems you are not that fond of your bf which makes me question why you continue to be by him if you are sick of him asking those questions or the fact you do not have deep conversations with him. My perspective is limited by the fact I do not know you or your expereinces so I have my own biases when answering. But I do also desire meaningful conversations but it also makes me less patient with people when I do not get them or too clingy to people when I do, so I am learning to have meanignful conversations with myself. I "try" to depend on others less for my own happiness; that works for me, who knows if it'll work for you nonetheless I hope you all the best and that you find peace
@luxx454 Thank you. It's a lonely life, the one you describe.
@phannko Hmm I would not say it's lonely because I have developed a better relationship with myself, I feel so much more content but of course this might not be the case for everyone. When I learned to be okay alone, i feel like my relationships with others improved so I hope you don't see it as lonely because I am sure you are a lovable, very deep person that you yourself would enjoy spending time with.
@luxx454 I'm not sure anymore, but thank you!