Sorry if this bothers anyone.

Sometimes, I feel as if I'm not in control of my own life. My mother is helping me with something that could change my life for the better, but she is also constantly telling me I can't do it, I'm not capable of doing it. I don't know if I want her to keep on doing this to me, or if I want to endure it for the slight chance my life will get better because of what she is doing to me. Because if it happens, my future is set. I can go to any school I want, and be anything I want to be in the future. My dad is a very compassionate and understanding person, and even he get's upset by my mom's actions. Because I angered her, (I asked her to take her dirty feet off of my clean clothing) she made my dump all of my clothes except for the one on my back into the lake. Then, when my dad started to help me retrieve those clothes, she yelled at him and slapped him and made his glasses fall off too. I don't want her to hurt him. Then my mentor, who is also with my mom and cheating on my dad is also constantly telling me how I can't do anything, how I'm fat, and both of them crush anything that I once thought I was good at. I can now safely say that I'm not good at anything. Then, they also constantly degrade my dad any time he is not there. Whenever I try to tell my mom that she's wrong, and my dad isn't what she thinks he is, and she should try to look in someone else's shoes, then she thinks I'm 'choosing' him over her. Anytime I try to cheer myself up, I know how fake it is, and that I'm lying to myself. I won't lie to myself. I don't know what to do. When I told my friends this, they started thinking I was suicidal. I'm not. But, they started coddling me, and things like that. That makes me feel like I can't tell them anything too.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful for all my mom and my mentor have for me. They do a lot of stuff for me, and they have already made me successful. I just need them to give me a final push, then I can get out of their hairs, and they can stop. But I need this, what they're doing for me. They are successful people, and always gets their job done, unlike me, who procrastinates the day away, not getting anything done. I'm wasteing their time.

Now that I think of this, I feel as if I'm being a spoiled child who is just wishing that her mom doesn't help her do something that could help her. I kind of feel like a brat, for needing to get this out. I'm sorry if this wasted yor time. I'm really sorry if you got bothered by this, or took some time out of your day expecting for someone who really needs help, not just another spoiled child who thinks she's so weak.