Social/Work anxiety
I once again woke up early this morning and even though I had hours to go back to sleep before the alarm, I couldn't. I lay there going over my problems in my head. I worried about what people would say at work today and how I might react to it. I debated pros and cons of trying to leave my job. I wondered what would happen if I asked to be transferred to a different location. I paniced about the potential loss of a paycheck if it didn't go well and I ended up fired or getting hours cut again. And then the alarm went off so here I am once more sleep deprived and starting the day stressed. Is there any way to get a good nights sleep without constantly worrying half the night? I'm open to suggestions. Thanks for listening :)
@Rinoa
Sorry to hear about your stress, anxiety and sleepless night -- I completely understand. "Shutting down" the brain noise can be hard, especially when things are going like we hoped or our imaginations get the better of us as we ponder the outcomes of a potential decision.
You might want to check out the Mindfulness Community here. There are some great tips offered there on checking in with yourself, meditation, identifying why we feel like we do and so much more. The daily check ins have been really helpful and informative and remind you, it's important to pause and take care of yourself. https://www.7cups.com/home/mindfulness/
I found an unlikely inspiration not to long ago when Chris Evans (Captain America in the Avengers) shared a tweet back in Jan 2018>>
'The problem is I think in most of our lives is the root of suffering is following that brain noise and listening to that brain noise and actually identifying with it as if its who you are. Thats just the noise your brain makes and more often than not it probably doesnt have much to say thats going to help you.
For anyone struggling w anxiety. Heres some advice I got a long time ago. https://t.co/w57xle7qDU
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans)
I will warn you (and anyone) there's some language in it - but the overall message, really helped and touched a chord. Now I take time to "shhhhhhhhh" the internal dialogue and try to sort through the things that wake me up.
My though train has derailed... if I remember what else I was gonna' say, I'll pop back in and share.
Take care of yourself - you are not your anxiety, you are not your stress, you are not the negative speak in your head.
@diplomaticconfucious Thanks for the links. Chris Evans is a great man. I can't watch it right now, but I will after work tonight :) I used to meditate years back and I've tried so hard lately to find it again but I'm just not managing to find a way to shut out that brain chatter.
@Rinoa
I read the post below about things going on... and I'll ramble a bit (I'm in Tumbleweed Mode) to see if I can hit some spots I was going to try to bring up.
1.) Your boss sounds burnt out and is passing the buck. It's not a test, the boss is just easing his load and "delegating". There is a difference in delegating - assigning- and dumping - here you just do it. I have a feeling it is the latter.
2.) You take pride and ownership in your job and company. You see others continuing on and goofing off (putting it mildly) and it irritates you. (Been there, done that, doing that, burnt the t-shirt, watered the ashes and painted a mural). They know you will pick up their slack, so why do it. I made note of that in my own office -- and stopped doing all of the extra things. I continued on doing only those things that keep my job easy. Other than that.... no. Was it noticed? Yeah. Was the boss happy (the only other worker in our office)? No - but she started realizing all the little things I was keeping off her plate and was no longer doing. She started getting of her duff and doing some of it -- but she whines about it but that's her thing "whoa is me... its all hard... I can't do all this... and so forth".
3.) Talk to someone at corporate. If the other employees are giving mouth to the customers - they probably have already heard about some of it. I found a solitary board member to listen to my concerns - he helped with part of the issues here. Those few changes actually made a big difference in my coping with the insanity that is my office (for the most part).
4.) You are a multi-outcome evaluating individual when it comes to decisions, from what I gather. You see a decision and you weigh not only the immediate Option A, Option B or Option C but you also look down the line of possible outcomes and their outcomes for each option. Am I close??
It's hard to deal in the coulds and woulds of outcomes. Some people just Decision Map naturally (https://timvangelder.com/2009/09/08/what_is_decision_mapping/) and I'm not sure it's always to the detriment, but it does seem to cloud things on occasion when we deal with ourselves. (I know it takes me forever sometimes, some people call it overthinking. But this is how my natural logic flows, and I really hope I'm not the only person in the world living this way.) With that said, It was recently put to me, which option can you live with best?
The way you are living right now... you deserve better. You deserve a good night sleep. You deserve a healthy work environment.
So out of all of the things you've thought about ... which of them comes closest to giving that to you?
You can't force meditation. You can start picking apart the mind dialogue. Eliminating them anyway you want to.
I'll share a story I've shared elsewhere I saw on TV some time ago. (Paraphrasing involved):
There was a guy, head of a business, and the camera crew was following him around. He made lots of decisions and some worked out, some didn't. It was pretty intense work but as they followed him home and he got out of the truck, he walked over to a tree and touched the leaves of it. The camera guy had to ask, "What's that about?"
The guy responded, "I used to bring my work stress and worries home. It effected me, my wife and my kids. We were unhappy. I couldn't sleep well because my mind would go to what was bothering me from the office. So, I promised myself and my family that I would find away not to bring it home with me. That's when I planted the 'Worry Tree'. Each night, before I go inside, I pause and I hang my worries on the branch. I can focus on my family and just enjoy home. If the worries are still on the tree when I leave for work the next day, I'll pick them up -- but I have had yet to do that."
Now, it doesn't have to be a tree. It could be a nail beside the door. Or you could leave them on the door mat. It's taking the mindful step to abandon them. If they're still there in the morning, pick 'em up and go on and look at how to find a solution. If something takes more than three days -- come to 7cups and talk to a Listener, post it to the forum, journal about it but stress on it after that point.
I like that Chris Evans has talked opening about his anxiety and his brain talk -- he's human with problems like the rest of us. But it did make me feel better and reminded me -- oh, you do have to silence some of the crap that runs through your mind sometimes.
Hi Rinoa,
Welcome to the forums. I saw your post and wanted to reply because I feel same way as you do.
It's not easy forgetting about your worries. Some of us worry more then others and that's fine. I worry alot and that's just cuz I'm always thinking what people may think .
I know work is already stressful and there are ways we can cope and not feel too much pressure.
Like can I ask, what are your main worries at work? Are you set targets or timeframes? Is there people you don't get on with? Are you afraid something might go wrong?
Having these problems can be easily addressed over time for work to provide you with the right support to help you fulfill in your job. This can be resolved at work and knowing you have someone to go to. If it's something more serious then your work should have a staff number or an written declaration to say everything about them, what they stand for and what they do and don't allow in the workplace . Also keeping about safe guarding and how it's there job to keep you safe .
I don't know if any of this applies to you however just want to let you know you can do something about this if your needs ararnt being met.
Do you know how you long you been working there? Are you new to the job? Just thought to ask.
Yes sleeping can be a problem with worry. I have that all the time. One thing what helps me is to try and de-stress . Doing things like what help me to relax and unwind. No distractions. Nothing. Without forgetting giving yourself a little treat to reward yourself and taking care of you .
Anything what you find enjoyment from can help you with these things.
At any point you feel your feeling worried or scared please come here and talk to us as this is a safe place and people can advise with you. If it's more serious please see your doctor.
I wish you luck and look forward to hearing from you .
Hugs
@TreaureSeekers3 I worry about a lot of things about my job. I've been there 3 years but it's just that lately my boss seems to have quite caring about the well being of the company and expects me to do his job and seems to punish me for hard work when other workers get rewarded for breaking rules. I don't know if it's personal or some sort of test and I think that's what really bothers me. If it's a test I don't want to fail because if the boss retires then I'm in line for the job and he is at retirement age. But then if it's personal I probably have no hope of getting the promotion anyway and there's no way I can figure out to find out the reasoning. My co-workers know I'll do their jobs when they don't do it because I DO want the business to thrive and they know I won't let it fail if there's anything I can do about it. So I have been running myself to death to get everything done while the others sit around playing on their phones, gossiping, or mouthing off at customers. I've considered going to corporate or trying to get transferred but every path I consider leads to unfavorable outcomes. So I lay there all night trying to come up with ideas I haven't thought of yet or re-hashing the already dismissed ideas I had and why they would go wrong. Does that make any sense?
That sounds terrible . I see your not having it easy. I can't imagine how that must be like. Don't know how you managed to still be there when anyone in your position would just quit .
Everything you said makes alot of sense. I went through those worries feeling like whatever I do I can't do right for doing wrong . Does sound very frustrating. What is the job? Three years is a long time.
There could be a number of things to why this could be happening at work. Have you not thought that if they lost you that would Make them lose a good member? Not saying you should make them happy . Just looks to me that your only one there that will do the work .
However with the other members. Well they seem to just be getting away with it for a long time . Has your manager ever told them off? Caught with there phones is a problem. They shouldn't be allowed to use it on floor . Your manager needs look at the bigger picture cuz he's only seeing one side to the story.
For this to be resolved I do still think you got to speak to see where your rights are in order to put in a complaint. Right now your not being treated like anyone else and that can be a form of bullying. Again please look at the companies policy cuz it sounds like you might have a good case . Try speaking to HR . If manager isn't helping you can go to them as they are higher then him otherwise that failes see if you can get legal advice for a employment tribunal .
One of these should lead to right path but just don't give up hope . There are options. Just don't stop.
Hope that helps
@TreaureSeekers3 The manager stays on his phone a lot too and no he doesn't reprimand anyone when they do these things. He's the don't rock the boat type so basically he lets them do what they want. He's actually told me before he has me doing the important jobs because the others wouldn't get it done right and he doesn't know how to make them learn. I just feel stuck because it's hard enough to get a job and this one is close to home and has good benefits. I just have to figure out how to hang in long enough for him to retire before I go crazy and irrationally quit one day because I'm not getting sleep and can't take it anymore. If I ever were to be promoted into his position, believe me this garbage wouldn't fly like it is now. It didn't fly whn I first started working there 3 years ago either. He's just quit caring because the other workers talk back to him and gripe about everything and since he doesn't want to hear it, he just pushes their work to me. I keep telling myself that as long as I tolerate it, it will just make me look dependable in the long run ... but then I worry about how long the long run will be.
I understand and sounds very distressing .I get that you wanna be the one to keep things together for the place and impress your manager but sometimes we can't always do that .
Your manager will never know how much of an impact you have on the business. He treats you like that cuz one can get away with it and two knows your keen and when you show that your keen it can sometimes be taken the wrong way and that's when people take advantage.
You need to know that's wrong and no how to say no .I'm going through similar thing but the more I've noticed how different people react the more I think right I will see if they like me doing this and they suddenly shut off. My superviser is exactly like that. Now I know I just say no when I'm really not happy. I will let him know and if not him someone else above.
Again I know this situation well cuz go through it too and there are people who get away with it and think if I do this then they won't say anything back cuz they feel intimated. Don't be like one of them. In the long run they will get what's coming to them and if not now maybe later. Your manager is getting to retirement age AK someone will replace him and it maybe some new comes along and put them in your place .
Just remember who you are and don't suck up to no one and when it comes to work load say no your not doing it cuz got your own work and be sure .if he wants to moan then fine but they shows what kind of person he is and thinks he can just get away with it .
This is the right time to become this person . Don't let people walk over you for nothing.
@TreaureSeekers3 So you're saying that I refuse to do more than my share? But see, I'm the outcast and I don't fit in because I take pride in my work. The rest of them seem to care more about being popular. I tried telling my boss that one of the other girls could do one of my tasks (since I was going to be off for 3 days and it was supposed to be finished already) and she even said she didn't care to do it (to my face at least) ... but then 3 days later when I came back, it still wasn't done and I had to get it done ASAP because it was way past due and upper management was demanding proof of completion. What did they do those 3 days I was gone? Nothing as far as I can tell. I just don't understand it. I've even heard him throw the rest of us under the bus so to speak to his boss once. He was getting fussed at for not having a project done and he actually said "Yeah I kept telling them it had to be done but they just wouldn't do it" ... even though he never once told me any such project even existed. There's a lot of underhandedness going on and I can't play those games because I'm an honest person and if I try BSing people it just comes off sounding stupid. I'm just afraid if I report anything that these people will convince everyone that I'm the bad guy and I'll end up getting fired. Make sense?
Yeah definitely makes sense . What I'm saying is I can totally relate to this situation cuz always felt the underdog .
You get someone who is hard working, quick, efficient, easy going and laid back at work although that's the more reason why people can either go about things there way and try and make that person feel like they got to do better and when they expect so much but it's not like that in the world.
Yes I am saying you shouldn't bother as much. If you wanna be like the rest don't stand for crap either but don't fit in and be someone your not . You will not doing any favours in the long run. Know the sort of person you are and work on what's going good and what needs improving more.
You can always set yourself goals to work on you. Have you thought of therapy? Giving you that inner confidence you need? I don't know from what I'm hearing maybe you feel like you can't say anything cuz of confidence. That is my issue . You may be the same.
@TreaureSeekers3 Well yeah part of it is confidence. Because everyone I've ever known in life has let me know that I'm always less than I should be. But most of it is fear of getting fired. Because I'm not a liar and I don't play games to get ahead. I don't throw other people under the bus but all these other people I work with Will. I'm not popular and I don't have a bunch of people standing behind me to say yeah she's telling the truth. All I have is myself against everyone. If I go higher up and complain, then my boss will get informed in one way or another and take it out on me in one way or another. I know there's the whole no retaliation law and everything, but I've seen him get back at employees before so I know that doesn't actually protect anyone. I just want to do my job and go home and be able to forget about work. But at the moment I have to go to work for real so I'm going to quit talking about it. I'm just trying to figure out how to get it out of my head while I'm at home so I can stay sane. Sorry but explaining why I can't speak up at work isn't helping me calm the thoughts down it's making it worse. I know you were trying to help and thanks for that, but I can't do the things you suggest because I am afraid they will get me fired.
@Rinoa I don't have any good insights for you I'm afraid. I relate with what you have said. Can I ask what type of work you do?
@Roslyn992 I'm in retail ... one of the most frustrating professions in existance I suppose but my only option for now. There may be a day when I'm not drowing in debt and medical issues that I can move to something and somewhere different ... but if that's an option it's far enough away to where I have to make my current situation work for years to come.
