Not really sure where to post this but I need to get this out.

So it's been awhile since I last posted. Things have been going ok mostly. My mom and godmother love to talk about me behind my back. I get called clueless, brat, and worthless just to name a few. Nothing I do is good enough and all of this makes my anxiety go through the roof. I start shaking uncontrollably and end up breaking down in tears. My heart races and I get butterflies in my stomach. My face gets all red and I sometimes break out into a rash. I really hate living like this everyday. My godmother judges everything and everyone and is extremely loud so they think I can't hear them when I can. They always put my godmother's son on a pedestal like he can do no wrong and everything i do is wrong. I don't clean right, I don't cook right, I don't even listen to the right music according to them. The only time I feel completely relaxed is when they are both gone. I am working on finding a job hopefully it works out this time. Many times I have wanted to just runaway but I can't because I don't have a car and hardly any money. Sorry but I am trying so hard not to hate them right now. I don't want to hate them but they make it so hard sometimes, It's like i am the black sheep or something. I just want to be free to be me. Thank you for reading.