My brain is the biggest liar that I always fall for.
I'm not sure if anyone will read this but, hey! I'm barely a week old on 7 cups, so let's see how this goes...
It's a self-diagnosis but I suspect that I have social anxiety; I absolutely don't like the idea of someone evaluating me or just plainly judging me so I guess it's reasonable that I excessively worry about how others view me. I recently found the source of my worries and my overthinking: cognitive distortions. It felt nice that I could understand myself better through this new breakthrough, and it helps me explain things that I couldn't before to those whom I seek emotional support from. Although I feel somewhat relieved over this new knowledge, it hasn't helped me improve my mental health.
Long story short, I have a habit of overthinking; and a lot of times, I overthink over things that aren't necessarily true. For example, I assume someone is annoyed at me. It's only an assumption, but it soon consumes me and convinces me that it's nothing but the truth; it's reality. It's bearable when it's a thought over strangers or those who I'm not close to, since I won't ever say it directly to them. But, it's trouble when I'm with someone I consider very close.
I recently got into an argument with my best friend; he's the closest person to me right now and I always tell him everything, even what's on my toxic mind. Sometimes I subconsciously do my habit of assuming things and believing it. I assume he's mad at me, for instance, and I believe it and accept it as reality; that he really is. Now the difference is that, since I tell him everything, sometimes I blurt out these negative assumptions to him. Even if he tries hard to convince me that it's not true, I always fall for the tricks my mind plays; over and over again. I feel that what's in my mind is the truth, and it really makes it so hard for me to believe someone else says.
So, I guess I've been having trouble dealing with these negative assumptions and believing them instead of others, even my best friend. I'm afraid that eventually, he'll be tired of me and decides to leave me. But I'd understand since I find myself highly unbearable; I'm not even worth the trouble.
If anyone out there reads this, thank you.
@eunoiawisher
What you are describing is something that a lot of people can relate to. A big step is recognizing that your brain is lying, but it can be hard to stop listening to the lies. Try some one-on-one chats with listeners, it's a great way to get those thoughts out in the open, where maybe they can be looked at more objectively.
@Pretzelsandchocolaten Thank you so much for replying! And yes, I think recognising these lies is a huge step; I just need to take the next step and try to stop listening to the toxic tricks my brain does... I actually have been chatting with a few listeners (though a lot of them haven't really been helpful), but I came across a few who let me reframe my thoughts and put things into a different perspective. It helps rationalise my thoughts but only temporarily, although I feel that it's a great start. Trying my best to stay optimistic, hehe... Again thank you for the kind reply and stay safe x